Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at www.twitter.com/brianhickey Flickr at http://www.flickr.com/people/brianhickey/. Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court: divorcecourting.blogspot.com.

31 August 2009

Mini (Dirt Devil) He

Hey 10-year-old Gregory Evans, I got a tip for ya: There's a whole bunch of Orecks at a mansion near the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Seems as if the avid vacuum collector just went off on a three-year-mininum tour, a three-year-minimum tour ...


Side note: If you want to put your vacuuming skillz to the test, might I suggest trying to suck Howard Eskin and/or Michael Irvin up and throw the bag out at the nearest dump? Gracias.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

As promised in the last post, a real post. So, having spent the formative years of my "adulthood" in the journalistic realm, I had a deathly fear of corrections. F'real. Krueger-style. They reflected poorly on my family tree. And I did a good job of avoiding them for the most part. Which is why I was immediately drawn to this correction in today's Daily News ...

... Sweet Lord Jebus, did that say, "Totally Inappropriate." What, did they post some noodz of Suzanne Lammers? Alas, no. But they did post this ...


Ah, callin' 17-year-old minors fresh meat. Veddy niiice.
In an unrelated story, fifty grand was dropped from the bankruptcy tally at 400 N. Broad today.

I Promise...

... to post something once I'm home later this afternoon. It involves a newspaper taking a beating for something for which they should have been beaten. The anticipation palpable, innit?

30 August 2009

Weekend Reading Roundup (No Scantron Needed Edition)

1. Which sport is classier?
a) Soccer ...
The Clarets, as Burnley is known because of the club color, did not crow when they beat Manchester United two weeks ago, and the coach and players did not hide when they were overwhelmed at Chelsea. The season is long, and if they are to survive in this league, they know that their only hope is to accept the beatings, regroup and play the next match as if it were a new beginning.

or b) Baseball ...
A series of events on the field led several players to believe that the star shortstop Miguel Tejada had been helping friends on opposing teams by tipping off pitches and by allowing balls they hit to get past him occasionally during games with lopsided scores.



2. Who's a bigger dirtbag?
a) Vinnie "Pill-Popping Thief" Fumo ...
Controlling? Fumo hired a taxpayer-paid private eye to snoop on a former girlfriend, his ex-wife, and his political opponents.
"He was the ultimate control freak," investigator Frank Wallace testified during the five-month trial.
Fumo demanded that a particular brand of hair spray, Sebastian, be shipped to him. He kept sets of the same clothes - khaki pants, blue shirts - in the closets of his homes, testimony showed.
The good news for Fumo: He'll still get to wear khaki, because it's the color of the uniform worn by federal inmates.
The bad news: As a newcomer, he'll hold a low slot in the prison pecking order.

or b) Dick "Vice-Chief Shootsfriendsinfaces" Cheney ...
Cheney, who strongly opposes the Obama administration's new probe into alleged detainee abuse, was asked in the Fox News interview whether he was "OK" with interrogations that went beyond Justice's specific legal authorization.
"I am," Cheney replied.


3. What's less surprising?
a) That Sen. Mushmouth (I-Conn.) is trying to slow healthcare reform down as if uninsured people have magically stopped dying ...
"There is no reason we have to do it all now, but we do have to get it started," Sen. Joe Lieberman (I., Conn.), who is generally supportive of Obama, said in a recent television interview. "I'm afraid we've got to think about putting a lot of that off until the economy's out of recession."

or b) That nobody's figured out what quite to do with Big Pharma's 11-figure big blind ...
Under the agreement reached with the White House, pharmaceutical companies would reduce prices of brand-name drugs 50 percent to those in the "doughnut hole."
It is not clear yet where the rest of the $80 billion would go.


4. What's more surprising?
a) That England pulled the plug on Big Brother?
or b) That Jeff and Jordan will soon be broken apart on America's Big Brother?


And, 5. Who's got the better ads?
a) Mac
or b) PC
.

Answer Key:
1. a.
2. b.
3. b.
4. a.
5. b.

29 August 2009

Chicks, Man


So, I made the mistake of tuning in for an hour of Glenn "Not-Yet-Caught Predator" Beck's television programme the other day. Surreal the way he posits theories but then comes back with, Whoa, whoa, whoa I didn't say that. I was only asking the questions. He doesn't posit facts, then criticizes people -- wait for it -- for not positing facts. It's the Vol. 2009 of the age-old, "Senator, do you have any comment for those who say you beat your wife?" turning into a "Senator denies wife battery" story.
Irresponsible, sure. But oddly entertaining. In fact, I've encorporated his approach onto my Twitter page. For example:
I'm not saying Glenn Beck injected Michael Jackson with Propofol (or anything else) at a recent NAMBLA meeting. I'm just asking questions.

Or:
I'm not saying Glenn Beck is stitching an entire Size 14 lady suit down in the basement with his pooch Precious. I'm just asking questions.

Hey, I didn't say Glenn Beck was Jame Gumb or Dr. Conrad Murray, did I? I didn't.
Just like how I didn't say freshman Republican U.S. Rep. Lynn Jenkins of Kansas is the KKK's Crossburner of the Year for seeking her "great white hope" to stop Obama in his tracks.

And just like how I didn't say that if Madonna wanted to ensure equal rights for Gypsies, she'd adopt a whole bloodline of them, and perform mating-season rituals or just give them money so they had equal homes, at the very least.

28 August 2009

Oh Holy Day

From the email inbox:
Hi, brianhickey.
Zubaz (zubaz) is now following your tweets on Twitter.

The One Sentence Movie-on-Cable Review

Putting the initial giggly reaction to the plot line aside, Lars and the Real Girl is a compelling story; I recommend watching it and taking note of the moment that it shifts from freaky to, well, non-freaky.

27 August 2009

Final Jeopardy

When isn't something that's, well, artistic considered art?
I guess when the subject matter is about a guy who got convicted of a horrific crime, served a double-digit-month sentence and was permitted to get a re-entry to society job.
Remember when Rudouche Giuliani totally got all hissyfitted when somebody painted a shit-stained Mother of Christ? And the uproar? Yeah, I do too.

(The judges also would have accepted, "When it's painted on a wall in Kensington.")

The Eyes Have It

I'll give Lego Wig Kade this much: They know rape-eyediness when they see it ...

And I'll give their readers -- and with dozens and dozens of comments per post, they're legion -- this much more: They know kadey types when they see 'em.

Side story: Apparently a lingerie-football blown-up doll tried to defend her attention-toy.

This just in from Wrigley Field...

... fellow former CPer Michael T. Regan is currently at Wrigley. But that's not why I'm totally (but lovingly) pissed off at him. That he sent me this is why...

God, I wish I was there right now.
Gracias, Rego! (And have fun the rest of the drive to LA. See you in Vegas soon.)

Baxter Recommends...

My pal Jack Baxter just texted with a message: "Go to clipser.com and search Big Brother 11 by most recent to see jeff russ fight its a good one two parts tho." I did so. For you.
(Part II starts with "Dojo" references.)
NSFW.



Wherein Hickey seizes the opportunity to type "ethicrapes" in the second sentence

I've never been one for front-page ads, even those stickers. It cheapens the product and ethicrapes everything upon which I was taught journalism represents. But when the field has been hacked off at the knees, well, you make do. I get that. So do you. And so does my friend, let's call him "Anonymous Writer," who emailed with concerns about his employer's "Keep It Local" campaign.
Full disclosure: I signed up for the Keep It Local Twitter last night since not much is more important to me than ensuring the survival (and growth) of the Inky, Daily News and philly.com; in that respect, I feel like John Smith staring down Doyle's and Strozzi's gangs in Jericho (Google it; I did.) With no further ado, Anonymous Writer:

Have you noticed the campaign to KEEP IT LOCAL, including a full page ad today? This propaganda effort is clearly nothing but spin and ego, but to what end? Will public support -- except for buying a helluva lot more papers -- in any way KEEP IT LOCAL? No.
This campaign can be aimed at only two things: Influencing the judge, which is a questionable exercise under any circumstance, and creating a hostile enevironment for the senior creditors should they take over the operation. As you can see from the email below, the GUILD is not sure who will be better for the likes of me and other workers, but that once again Tierney's public actions do not mirror his behind the scenes maneuvering. KEEP IT LOCAL is nothing more than Brian saying KEEP IT MINE.
"Anonymously" yours.


Dear Guild member,
This afternoon, Guild leadership agreed to the 30-day-contract-extension proposed by Philadelphia Newspapers, which locks in the current terms and conditions of our contract until September 30, 2009. As we have previously stated our focus is not on the next 30 days, the Guild wants to bargain a contract to protect our members for several years.

The Guild has filed an Unfair Labor Practice Charge with the National Labor Relations Board because the company has refused to meet with us and engage in collective bargaining as required by the National Labor Relations Act. The Regional Directors' investigation is still pending. According to our legal counsel, in all likelihood, the investigation will not be completed before our contract expires and while the charge filing itself would have protected our contract, we have agreed to the 30-day-extension to provide more assurance to the membership that our working conditions remain in effect.

Brian Tierney told meetings full of our members on Monday that he expects to commence union bargaining by mid-September. What is unclear is with whom the Guild and the other unions employed by Philadelphia Newspapers will be bargaining.

We could be negotiating with Philadelphia Newspapers, or the “Stalking Horse” bidder, the new company comprised of Bruce Toll, the Carpenters Pension and Annuity Fund and Penn Matrix Investments, which, subject to the approval of the reorganization plan filed by Philadelphia Newspapers, could become the new owners of the Inquirer and Daily News. According to PN’s reorganization plan, the new company, Philly Papers, LLC, would not be obligated to assume existing conditions and obligations to our contract, including obligations to meet pension funding requirements under federal law.

The Guild could also end up bargaining with the senior lenders in the event they assume control of the enterprise. The senior lenders have asked the court’s permission to engage in contract talks with all of the unions employed by Philadelphia Newspapers. A bankruptcy court decision on that motion is expected by Friday at the latest. We want a contract that preserves and protects our wages, benefits and standard of living, and welcome the opportunity to bargain with whatever entity wishes to negotiate with us.

We have scheduled a general membership meeting for 6 p.m. Monday August 31, 2009 at the Guild Hall (1329 Buttonwood Street) in order to further discuss the status of our contract and other issues related to the bankruptcy and any potential sale or ownership transfer of the company and/or the newspapers. Please try to attend.

Let me guess: Lidge has praying-mantis-related performance anxiety?


Scanning and posting this shot from Tommy Leonardi in this week's Sports Illustrated does not to it justice (And I joke about Lidge with kindness in my heart because a. Madson proved last night that anybody can blow a save and b. even if Lidge can't save another game again for his career, he threw the last pitch to end Philly's drought and for that, he has a perpetual Get Out of Criticism Free Card).
If you don't subscribe, go buy the issue with Usain Bolt on the cover. It's a keepsake to break out hard-copy-style when your children ask you about The Lightning Man from Jamaica. He really is the first superhuman. I couldn't drive 100 meters in 9.58 secs.
Side note: A shout-out for Philly's potentially-next Joe Frazier:
Damon Allen Jr.
PHILADELPHIA > Boxing
Damon, a senior at Communications Technology High, won the boys' 15--16 open division in the 125-pound class at the Ringside World Championships in Kansas City, Mo., for the second year in a row. Trained by Mitchell Allen, his 81-year-old great-grandfather, Damon also won gold in the 15--16 division at the Junior Golden Gloves Nationals.

26 August 2009

With one simple paragraph, Michael Vick moves up one spot in the Dog-Friend Power Rankings

And that paragraph is ...
RICHMOND, Virginia - An executive for an anti-animal cruelty group says her 16-year-old blind and deaf dog died after she accidentally left him in her hot car for four hours.

RIP, Louie.

Oh Tito Jackson, you so cray-zee

I'm man enough to admit that I watch a gossip-roundup-TV-show pretty much daily. (But not willing to say that two are DVRd.) And no, The Insider is NOT one of them anymore. I just couldn't continue supporting a program that careerraped Pat O'Brien. Shame on them. And shame on you all for not protesting it.
But last night, Mary Hart had a hot replacement on the air, so Entertainment Tonight was more palatable. Until Tito Jackson, talking about the A&E series that will provide hand-over-fist blood money, started talking when two brothers -- I really don't know who they were, so let's say Marlon and LaToya -- were strumming guitars and painfully singing. He said something along the lines of this ...
It's time for some new blood.

Either, they're cashing in on the Stackhouse craze -- Sookie, not Jerry -- or he really just can't see how new Jackson blood making money and getting more famous might strike people as a bit odd. 'Specially on the same day that the drug smorgasbord piping through his brother's veins when the clock struck death o'clock became known.
As a side note, and one of conclusion, methinks this whole "charge the doctors with murder" vibe is a little over-the-top. Rich patient had a tendency of manipulating everybody around him to give him what he wants. If Mike was here, and no disrespect to the dead, but I'm pretty sure he'd say, "Whoa whoa whoa. Leave them alone. They were only following my orders."
Ask Corey Feldman.

Today's Metro Column and Ted Kennedy


My topic's a little more nationally-based than the others. But I was thinking nationally this past week, hence, a nationally-based column.
It started with a few wackjobs screaming “Off with [Obama’s] head” at McCain/Palin events. Political and philosophical leaders of anti-Obama land chose tacit enabling, so the fringe few became many. Their blind rage over ebbing conservative power has since morphed the public health care debates that started here with Arlen Specter into literal show-and-tell gun shows with subprime-IQ’d exhibitors. The shooting range taught me that it’s not paranoid to worry when armed yahoos gather near the president.

I know people will try to make Ted Kennedy's death a rallying cry for healthcare-reform, that we should do it for Ted's legacy. And the scum about whom I wrote this week are probably already bringing up the fact that Mary Jo Kopechne wouldn't have been saved by a single-payer option at Chappaquiddick.
All I'll say is this: It shouldn't have taken the nastiness of brain cancer to make people care about their fellow man.
RIP, Ted.

25 August 2009

By the Coop

On the banks of the Mighty Coop sits what I've always referred to as the "underground house." It's right off Cuthbert, not too far from Baker Lanes where Dick Bobb rolled a 300 game. Granted, I've never seen the underground house; it's behind a wall. But, I always checked that wall out because there was a saying painted thereon. When I past by the other day, it looked repainted and since I didn't exactly have a cell phone, let alone a cell phone with a camera on it, back in the 70s and 80s, I was moved to snap a shot. Here 'tis:

Dear Inqurier...


Hey, it's Hickey. Curious about something: any particular reason you cut the comments off on the story about Vinnie "The Pill-Popping Thief" Fumo's legal team whining again about Pill-Popping Thief being sent to the same state that Joey Merlino and Johnny Chang got sent to after their convictions for being criminally corrupt?
Let me guess: was a lawsuit threatened? Nah, that can't be it, can it?
Anyway, hope you're doing well.
XOXO,
Brian

The Missing Link

Well here I sit, all wanting to post a link to Rolling Stone's excoriation of what the healthcare debate has become. (Hint: Derailed by pols and corporations short on moral standing and tall on profit protections.) But lo and behold, they don't post a a link to the story. Thus, I'm loathe to shill for them other than saying here's where you can watch the always-exciting "video with author."
It's pretty long, which affords you time to ponder why what has long been considered a countercultural publication has now defined that as "bilking subscribers for more loot rather than enabling them to advertise their good stories online."

23 August 2009

Weekend Reading Roundup (1,400th Post Edition)

It's just about 10 p.m. I spent a few hours at the bar I was at before I got smacked by a car, as you can see from the video in the previous post. All of which is to say I really don't feel like sitting in this here brown, leather recliner with a laptop in my lap. But here I am. And I'm here for you. To share links to stories I've rather enjoyed over the past few days. So read them. You'll be a better person for it. Here are the pertinent excerpts to whet your mental whistles:

-- Well, there was a good piece about Russia and the governmental-retribution complex therein by Scott Anderson in GQ, but it's not posted on gq.com. So, be content with this gratuitous Erin Andrews shot. No, it's not of peephole caliber, but still...


-- From the NY Times Sunday Book Review:
As it happens, The Times itself provided vivid testimony to Jones’s thesis just as I was reading his book. On July 12, an important front-page article wasn’t about anything that took place during the so-called news cycle; it was a convincingly detailed (and readable) revelation of how young men in Minneapolis had been recruited for jihad in Somalia. One thinks of the disasters when this kind of embryonic news doesn’t get enough attention: the insufficiently monitored housing bubble, leading to the financial meltdown; the neglect in New Orleans, leading to the devastation after Katrina; or the formation of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan, leading to 9/11.
This is the scope of the news Jones fears we are in danger of losing, and the news he says the Internet generation has already abandoned. It’s the flow of significant reported information, “the iron core of information that is at the center of a functioning democracy.”


-- Alas, the lovely Megan is forced to go sans finding her millionaire. Whatever the opposite of alas is, VH1 has some 'splainin' to do:
While it is true that producers are responsible for vetting cast members, Andy Dehnart, the editor of realityblurred.com, a popular Web site about reality television, said that VH1’s “abdication of responsibility is totally disingenuous.”
“The network has built a brand on unstable, crazy people interacting on these idiotic and mindless dating shows, and can’t pretend to not have anything to do with it,” he said.


-- It'd be far too easy to say that NY Gov. David A. Paterson can't see the forest for the trees, what with his leaning on the old-faithful excuse of across-the-board racism where even Rev. Al is loathe to say it is. But, I won't let that stop me: Paterson can't see the forest for the trees. (And not just 'cause he's legally blind. 'Cause he's legally mentally blind.)
“I do agree with the governor’s statement that we do not live in a postracial society and that there is a degree of media bias that does adversely impact communities of color,” said Assemblyman Hakeem Jeffries, a Brooklyn Democrat. “But the governor’s problems are very complex and cannot be attributed to any one particular issue.”


Don't let him down, Hymiestate.

-- I'll just steal directly from the NYT headline: A Public Option That Works...
Through our experience working on health-care-reform efforts in California and Washington (one of us worked for President George W. Bush’s Council of Economic Advisers), we have seen how concern over employer costs can be a sticking point in the health care debate, even in the absence of persuasive evidence that increased costs would seriously harm businesses. San Francisco’s example should put some of those fears to rest. Many businesses there had to raise their health spending substantially to meet the new requirements, but so far the plan has not hurt jobs.
As of December 2008, there was no indication that San Francisco’s employment grew more slowly after the enactment of the employer-spending requirement than did employment in surrounding areas in San Mateo and Alameda counties. If anything, employment trends were slightly better in San Francisco.


-- Sports Illustrated has a detailed piece about how Marc Buonicotti thrived post-quadriplegia ... and his pre-chair wild yearnings...
"Are there certain things that would have put me in jail for 20 years? Yeah, I've done s--- that I could definitely get more than 20 years, combined," he says. "I'm giving you hints, man: Miami, the '80s ... having a good time? My parents know I was experimenting at the time, not only with partying but with different groups of people, some nefarious. Put it this way: Many nights I was at home awake, looking out the front window waiting for either a car I didn't know or the police."


-- And finally, have you heard the one about the Mutt that lost via a Bruntletting?

Hickey Interviews Baxter About What Happened/Is Happening/Will Happen on Big Brother 11

I now present to you the first installment of Hickey Interviews Facebook Friend Jack Baxter About What Happened/Is Happening/Will Happen on Big Brother 11 ...

22 August 2009

It's just before 2 o'clock ...

... do you know where your Xanax, Ambien, Prozac, Imitrex, Darvocet, Nexium, Immodal, Lipitor, Tricor and Plavix chiclets are? No? You might start by checking a vacuum-laden mansion in Fairmount with heated sidewalks, a paid staff and shooting range.

(My guess is that if Darryl knows where they are, you've been a bad parent.)

21 August 2009

The Hickey Endorsement

Check out today's action on the anti-Kade site.

Finally, an interesting story with Pittsburgh ties

Say what you will about me -- handsome, brilliant, God's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson (translation: lunacy-wallower) -- but the one thing you'd never be able to rightfully claim is "hides behind anonymity." But a lot of people do. Just look at the degradation of the civic conversation via sites like philly.com.
Using a fake name to throw around accusations strikes me as pretty much everything that's mentally/societally wrong with American Culture Vol. 2009.
I say all of this as an enabler allowing me to preen on a holier-than-thou soapbox in reaction to a cnn.com story that caught me eye this morn:
The reasons people want to be anonymous online vary. Political whistle blowers fear retribution; employees want to separate the personal from the professional; artists want their work to stand up without an attached biography; and some writers like Montanez take on a sort of Everyman quality by keeping their real names off their posts. ...
Some anonymous bloggers, like PittGirl, worry their veils of anonymity will be pulled back against their will, and plenty of news events validate their fears.
Earlier this week, for example, a New York Supreme Court judge forced Google to reveal the identity of a blogger who had been posting rants about onetime cover girl Liskula Cohen on Blogger.com, which Google owns.

Whistleblowers, business-not-pleasure, even jokes and civil mockery, that's fine with me. But using an identity-cloaking shield to guard oneself from having to own up to malicious lies or personal deficiencies like, say, racism? Not fine with me. And far too many people do it. Some anonymous commenters/bloggers could use a smackdown. (Except those on Kade's site. Fire away, guys and gals. You're American heroes.)

Tales from Two Cities (Excuse the very bad pun, but it's 9:44 a.m.)

I don't know what to make of the societal ramifications, if there are any, of what happened on subways in Philly and NYC yesterday. So, I'll just present it for your edification.
In New York (and check out dude's byline):
A strip club isn't the only place in town you can see a pole dance -- amazed passengers on an L train watched in awe as a naked young woman competed with straphangers for space on a pole. ... Most [passengers] were blasé. But one woman started screaming and an elderly man next to her got the shakes.

In Philly:
A SEPTA train struck and killed a woman who apparently jumped on the underground tracks at the 8th Street Station in Center City yesterday. Witnesses told investigators that the woman jumped from the far end of the platform about 3:30 p.m. and landed in front of an oncoming eastbound Market-Frankford train.

20 August 2009

Big Brother

Yo y'all. Tomorrow's the initial filming for Hickey and Baxter's Excellent Web-Adventure as it relates to the show Big Brother. And we ain't done got many decent questions to answer on camera yet. So, send some questions! Or, watch the show on CBS and then send some questions! (Either as comments here, email at brianhickey9 at hotmail dot com or via IM on MSN -- same address as the hotmail account or AOL IM: bphickey009.)
Dae Yum Yum, out.

Speaking of Vinnie "the Thief" Fumo...


... there's news today of another thief out there. One Billy Ray Barker stands accused of robbing the Wachovia Branch at Sixth and West Erie on Aug. 5 and suspected of a pair of heists on Aug. 13 (at the Wachovia at 2843 N. Broad and the PNC at 3244 N. Broad.
Fast forward to today, Aug. 20. From the G-Men:
At approximately 11:34 AM today, Barker allegedly entered the Bank of America branch at 1650 North Broad Street in Philadelphia and presented a threatening demand note to a teller. He was wearing a black baseball cap, white t-shirt, dark pants and white sneakers. He fled the bank on foot in an unknown direction.
Barker is 41 years old, 5’11” tall, 180 pounds, with a closely cropped salt-and-pepper beard and mustache. He has tattoos on both his right and left arms. He is known to frequent the areas of North Broad and West Erie Avenues (the 2800 block of North Broad and the 600 block of West Erie Avenue).
Barker is considered armed and dangerous, and anyone with information about his whereabouts is asked to call the FBI at 215-418-4000 or the Philadelphia Police Department. There may be a reward for information leading to his apprehension, and tipsters can remain anonymous.
To view flyers of this and other bank robbery subjects wanted by the FBI/Major Crimes Task Force, please visit www.ppdonline.org and click on the Detectives Box and the Violent Crimes Task Force link.

"It's OK, take your time." HONK HONK

In a word, David L. Cohen, the answer is "No."

One guest miffed by the news media's attention was David L. Cohen, now an executive vice president of Comcast, whose name had come up during the Fumo trial. Cohen, former head of the law firm Ballard Spahr, reportedly told the then-CEO of Verizon to "work it out with the senator" when he sought advice about demands for money being made by Fumo.
"Don't you think this is rude? Even a little?" Cohen asked reporters who had gathered to interview him about the party.

And in 29 more words: You're defending a thief who you allegedly enabled by not discouraging him from fantasies of a healthy eight-figure take. Don't you think that is rude? Even a little?
Now, a portrait entitled Rich White Dudes (Alleged Enabler on the left, and in the middle, of the frame):

19 August 2009

Kadeloathers United

Just wanted to make sure anybody who wants to participate in The Thrashing of the Kade saw this comment that was sent my way earlier today. Realist gets the Good Hickey Seal of Approval.

OK folks, I started a Google account so we can get a blog set up… if you email me I will pass along the info for the blog . Please use an ANONYMOUS account, bc i would ideally like to keep everyone’s name private so they feel free to share the maximum amount of details and facts they know.

The email address I have established to get this thing rolling is: legowigkade [at] gmail {dot} comFor right now, we need someone who knows how to use Blogger and can set us up with a basic, visually pleasing set up. Any volunteers?

I would also like to get 5-10 contributors… Polemicists, writers, real actors, people who know Doucheboy, people who have insight on his mental condition, etc. There is no commitment to writing a lot–contribute any way you like. We’ll set some people up with account passwords; for others, you can just email your submissions and let us know how you want to be credited (psuedonym).

We’ll look at this as PR also… promoting those parody videos by that guy in LA… sending info along to other media sources… and putting the truth out there.
Like I said, keep this anonymous and drop me a line. Just let me know what your name is as a commenter here.

Eventually, we will communicate by group emails, gmail chat, and in the comments section of our own blog… so less need to deal with this POS blog.

-realist
10:37 PM


00:32 - 00:42 of this video puts Lector strapped to stand-up prison-gurney to shame.

Three Peas in a Sub-5'9" Pod

If I wanted to be a prick, I'd say that, judging from the past week here in Philadelphia, some black criminals get punished even after they serve their punishment (which some claim was a weak sentence to begin with) while some white criminals get feted with a lil dress-up, power-broker-packed par-tay for 350 even before they serve their punishment (which every logical person claims is a weak sentence to begin with).

Rewind about 20 minutes, to when I was cruising the Schuylkill home from some catering place at 20th and Penrose in South Philly. Doing 55 in a 50, slow lane, too. Up pulls some Italian Stallion in a red BMW, jersey plates, honking, flashing his beams, urging me to let him pass. Even though the only place for me to go was the shoulder. And I don't move for anybody, but particularly mustachioed, sleeve-less T wearing asshats. All of which is to explain why you can drop the "If I wanted to be a prick, I'd say that" from the first line of this post.

Because I want to be a prick ... which means I'm saying that rich, white Vinnie Fumo got thrown a party this week while formerly-rich, black Michael Vick is still getting bashed.

I went down to said party tonight, though, for one reason alone: To see whether Vinnie looked sick enough to justify delaying the start of his sentence, like his lawyers are trying to do.

Dr. Hickey's diagnosis: He didn't look sick whatsoever. He wasn't pale and/or twitchy like he was portrayed in court. But sick is a relative term. Because only a mentally ill person, when asked by a reporter for his thoughts on people who figure 4.5 years isn't enough time for the 137-conviction king, would have the gall to say:
I'd like those people to come join me for half of my time and get your assessment then.


Well, liverlips, here are my thoughts on your challenge:
I would absolutely love to serve as your cellmate for 2.25 years, so I could mentally waterboard you till I thought you were adequately punished for every penny you pilfered and put into your vaccuum and heated-sidewalk and hairspray and yacht-trip collections. But, aside from that underage drinking charge and that little matter of flipping a parked car over one month into freshman year, I AM NOT A CRIMINAL AND NEITHER ARE MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO QUESTION THE JUDGE WHO GAVE YOU A REWARD FOR A SENTENCE RATHER THAN A SENTENCE SUITABLE FOR YOUR CRIMES.
P.S. Hope your fiance has patience, Vinnie. Worried she might just be tempted to go back to the "friend" you stole her from? Ta ta, convict.


Videos from outside the restaurant to follow. (Up top is Fumo. Down here is Frank DiCicco and Joey Vento, both of whom I kind of like and/or kind of respect. Except for, you know, celebrating with a convict who pulled a reverse Peter Pan.)


So you wanna be famous?



This post launches a casting call of sorts: You've always wanted to be in movies, right? Well now's your chance. To be in a web movie. Of a remarkably-amateur skill-level. And, by name only, unless you email a favorite picture that can just be held up before the cameras.
My pal Jack Baxter and I plan to do a weekly show about Big Brother -- the low-brow TV show, not the high-brow book -- and are soliciting questions from fans of the show. No question is too offensive or harsh or rude or run-of-the-mill. F'real.
You can post them as comments here (but please put a name -- even a fake one -- in the text since "Anonymous" ain't gonna cut it, via email (brianhickey9 at hotmail) or via Facebook comment once this post migrates over to me wall.
Dae Yum Yum, out.

This Week's Metro Column...


... can be found here. Or, pre-edited-for-space, right beneath here:
Up Goes Frazier!
By Brian Hickey
The former Heavyweight Champion of the World’s son had just taught me proper left-jab/right-cross delivery when the gym’s door opened. “The champ,” Marvis Frazier declared, “is here.” And the champ, Joe Frazier, declared he feels great for a 65-year-old with rock-solid abs, even if he can’t jump rope anymore.
I was there to right a civic wrong. Each time a fanny-packed tourist fawns over a bronzed fictional fighter, an angel loses its wings because there’s no tribute to a real brawler who beat a real Apollo Creed.
It’s a story that bubbles up often, but disappears quickly. I didn’t want that to happen again, so I explained that local guy Tim McCloskey emailed me with an idea: Get SEPTA to rename the rejuvenated Broad and Glenwood station for the guy whose dusty, up-for-sale gym sits across the street.
“Joe Frazier was once the baddest man on the planet,” McCloskey said. “He should have a statue next to real, notable Philadelphians, like Ben Franklin.”
A call to SEPTA quickly exposed one reason why the lone public tribute is a South Carolina roadway. Policy blocks naming stations for people. What if City Council renamed surrounding blocks? “Frazier Avenue” leaves them no choice, other than saying honorary street names aren’t real. Well, Darrell Clarke’s district ends on the south side of Broad and Glenwood; Donna Reed Miller’s starts on the north. Getting Council to focus on anything other than Fiscal Doomsday is like getting Frazier to host an Ali birthday bash.
But, this is deeper than shout-out ethics. Six-figure tax delinquencies or not, it’s about marking the end of a seminal era in city sports. Joe Frazier’s Gym had every bit of impact as the Palestra, albeit for separate but equal people. The Fraziers couldn’t venture a guess as to how many kids learned respect within its walls. That our culture has shifted from fist battles to gun wars doesn’t lessen the impact Joe had.
“I’ve done my part, helping the kids in this gym. Boys, girls, white, black,” said Joe, Added Marvis, “You treated them all like they were your kids.”
Then, the hand that whooped Muhammad Ali signed “To Brian” on a neck brace before Joe said, “Maybe one day I’ll rip the [For Sale] signs down and get back to work.”
If he does, the city better host a party at, and SEPTA better run free trains to, the corner of Broad and Frazier.
It’s the least we can do for a non-fictional fighter who’s long deserved tourists visiting his honorary statue.
-- 30 --

Side note: I forgot to mention that new Flyers goalie Ray Emery had Frazier's likeness painted onto his helmet ...

18 August 2009

The Mugshot


... my audition was for an Untitled Non-Union Movie where I play an Italian Mobster who helps his boss revenge for the raping of his daughter and needs to deliver a death threat because he loves the daughter like his own ...

Psst, hey assnostril: You have the daughter rapist look down pat. Why not try out for that role?

The Start of the Final Unravelling


I am happy to report that Kevin Brueck's mockumentary has officially gotten under Kade's skin. So much so that he has ripped the film-maker and actor in his past two posts, not willing to admit that they both have achieved more than his acne-riddled, son-of-a-sexual-harasser mug will ever achieve.
From yesterday:
I got a call from a friend who told me that I have an enormous fan in KA was making videos imitating me on his website, and he is calling this reality Lovefest/Impersonation, “Arthur Kade, The Journey”, which I laughed about and said, “How original, this guy must be a douchebag of the highest caliber”. ...
Then I took a look at the videos, and started laughing, and told my friend, “This guy must jerk off to me every night, and the least he could have done was pick an actor to play me who is even close to my league in terms of looks and charisma, not some tall, lanky loser, who has a Flow-B and overbite”. It’s a shame that talentless, short, fat, and unoriginal hacks who have no business being in “The Biz”, and can’t do what is necessary to build a career or an image, instead have to jump on my bandwagon and “The Journey’s global popularity to try to make a name for themselves, and the funniest thing is that guys like him are truly my biggest fans, because they live and breath Arthur Kade, and probably couldn’t fuck their wives if I didn’t exist.

From today:
Here is a video of me eating at home, and a hilarious “Fan Picture” that actually made me laugh because it is using the word “Douchebag” (Probably because I used it on the last blog to describe that hack Comedian Fan from KA, trying to imitate The Brand).

Must be stinging now that the freakshow is finally starting to realize he's on a path to zero fame and zero friends.

Be sure to grab tomorrow's Metro...

Here's a hint as to what my column's about:

Cindy Sheehan's Tired Act


Here's what I wrote about Cindy Sheehan after witnessing one of her anti-war protests at Independence Mall in 2006:
Hill, an Army vet, conceded that "it's us who gave them the right to dishonor us" before giving me the most logical explanation as to why we can't pull out that I've heard: The first wave would see 160,000 military members reduced to 80,000 infantrymen, who'd then cover their whole withdrawal by guarding convoy routes and airstrips. "We'd start losing a whole fucking platoon at a time," he said. "After we left 'Nam, [millions of] civilians were killed. You think Al-Qaida in Iraq is going to go back to making rugs? Every time [these protesters] do something like this, it shows up on Al-Jazeera, it becomes a recruiting tool. What we need to do to bring our boys home with honor is give them what they need so they can come home winners."
I'd have loved to ask Sheehan what she thought of that but, disgracefully, after trying to talk over airhorns, taunts and "Impeach" cheers, she was ushered away from a photo-op that accomplished absolutely nothing. Which, in times like these, is the biggest shame of all.

And here's what I thought after reading that she's staking out the President's vacation to "remind Obama 'the body bags aren't taking a vacation'?"
Cindy Sheehan is still feasting upon publicity (from the press whose questions her handlers whisk her away from having to answer) rather than trying to reclaim the moral high ground that she lost.

A new Divorce Court post..

... is up. It involves spit. In the face. Of a mother-in-law.

And furthermore, America...


... Growing up in the slums of NE Philly on welfare definitely had a profound and amazing impact on who I was as a child, because all I ever wanted to be was the kid who had the latest Z Caviriccis. - A. Kade, Aug. 18, 2009

17 August 2009

Ties to AC?

First thing that crossed my mind when I read an AP story about the nine women who've been found murdered/gone missing in and around Rocky Mount, NC was this: Hmm, wonder if that's the same guy who killed four prostitutes in Atlantic City in 2006. I was working on a follow-up piece to those killings before I got hit-and-ran; it's back on my front burner now.
After the latest body, that of 31-year-old Jarneice Hargrove, was found in June behind a burned-out house that was once a crack den, local law enforcement and state police formed a task force. In July, the Federal Bureau of Investigation got involved.
But friends and family say it did not happen soon enough.
“We got someone out here that’s snatching up females,” said Stephanie Jones, 28, a nursing student. “I mean, the next person could be your grandmother, it could be me, it could be my mother, it could be my daughter.”
Ms. Jones, who knew two of the victims, has founded a group that is raising money to publicize the killings and search for those still missing. She says the cases are being swept under the rug because of the victims’ lifestyles.

Just spoke with Stephanie and she thought that the added attention might lead some to grab just about any suspect off the street just to close the case. I, and she, and we all, hope that's not the case.
She also said the survivors of several victims will be on the Tom Joyner Radio Show tomorrow between 8:45 and 9 a.m. That's, I believe, 107.9 FM locally.

Love me some Dae Yum Yum

I wish I could embed some polling data on here...

... and ask Philadelphians to answer two-and-a-half simple questions:
1. Do you feel better about yourselves now that you've had a few days to prove you care enough about the welfare of animals to loudly get on the anti-Vick bandwagon?

1a. You've volunteered at, or made charitable donations to, the Humane Society before, right?

2. Are you willing to take that energy and plant it firmly into the ground for another cause like, say, child abuse or rape; or are you content with being a non-people person?


Non-related update (via Harry Cook): "Deputy Mayor Gillison speaks on Philly's Reentry program Vick hire has brought to forefront."
Non-related update II (via friend of McNabb's when I asked, pre-Don's-blog-post, for reaction): "He's thrilled. All he wants to do is win."

Kade: Shame on Two Coasts

If you remember correctly, I was a tad concerned upon learning that someone in Los Angeles was doing a Web series about Arthur Kadyshes. I felt as if it would only feed the ego of a douchdebeast who somehow manages to turn insult into compliment, mockery into celebration. (It must be the enormous shoulders.)
When I watched the first episode of Kevin Brueck's "Arthur Kade: The Journey" I was expecting a continuation of the whole "Cartoon Network people love him, even though Sarah-Silverman's-sister Laura und friends clearly didn't" vibe. What I got was this...



... and, to my Kadehatin' mind, this was a great laying of the groundwork for the ego-decimation of a wannabe actor with no darts in the talent quiver. (If it's double tomfoolery in which the Illuminati that created character Kade are continuing their tomfoolery, consider me tomfooled.)
I emailed Brueck over the weekend to say thanks for seeing 2009's Russian Powerbottom of the Great Northeast for what most of Philadelphia sees him as. And, to conduct a Q&A with the guy who's done the most to-date with a camera to make Kade see his unstable reality for the fallacy it truly is.


Hickey: What drew you to the idea of mockumentarizing Arthur Kade? (And, how did he grab your attention initially?)
Kevin Brueck: A friend of mine sent me a link to www.arthurkade.com and said that this guy was beyond ridiculous and that I had to check out his blog. After reading a couple of his posts I couldn't believe this guy was for real. The depths of his delusion and narcissism know no bounds. After seeing his YouTube channel it was sealed for me. I knew I had to make fun of this ass clown and bring him back down to earth.

H: Yes, Philly has its share of scrotesque individuals, but I'm of the mind that there's someone like Kade on every corner, in every club [in Hollywood]. Is that the case? How does Kade compare to other douchebags you've encountered?
KB: Los Angeles is no doubt the scrotum capitol of the world. This town invented Von Dutch and Ed Hardy. Douche bags flock here like the salmon of Capistrono. So the fact that Arthur wants to move out here to pursue "the journey" its more of a nature taking its course kind of thing.

H: Has Kade reached out to you? If so, is he under the impression that your project is positive? If not, what would you like to tell him?
KB: Arthur has not reached out to me. I've tried making my videos "video responses" to some of his more popular YouTube videos but he hasn't accepted them. I can't imagine why:)

H: Is there a danger of all the attention landing him a reality-show role? Would that be good or bad for American culture?
KB: I thought about this for awhile: should I do a fake reality show about Arthur Kade? Will it make him even more popular than he is already? In the end I decided to go with it because a guy like Arthur Kade is never going to get famous. He's never going to get a reality show. We've already got VH1's "Tool Academy" and MTV's "Is She Really Going Out With Him?!" Arthur would never get a reality show because he's one dimensional AND he's not nearly famous enough. There's only so many times he could say into the camera "Kade Out" before we got sick of the schtick.

H: Ranked in order of douchiness: Arthur Kade, Tom Cruise, Spencer Pratt, Justin Bobby, Gallagher, anybody who has ever appeared on I Love New York (except 12 Pack and the Entertainer), the Dog Whisperer, Bill Maher.
KB: Arthur Kade, Spencer Pratt, Justin Bobby, Tom Cruise, Gallagher, the Dog Whisperer and Bill Maher. I've never seen 'I Love New York' so I can't take into account that "douche factor". If someone came up to me and said, "Who would you rather punch square in the face: Arthur Kade or Spencer Pratt?" I'm pretty sure my head would explode because I couldn't decide. There's so much douche there its mind boggling.

H: How has immersing yourself in the Kade realm effected you personally? Will you ever recover?
KB: It hasn't really affected my personality at all. I suppose I feel better about myself as a person because, lets face it, anybody feels better about themselves after reading a few sentences of Arthur Kade's self indulgent blog.


Well, there you have it, complete with a promise that Brueck plans on "burning him much harder in future episodes."

16 August 2009

Call (for help) and Response


# TheKell on 16 Aug 2009 at 8:24 pm
Coked-out as usual. Aren’t you getting too old for this shit?

Coming Soon (Hopefully): A Q&A with a guy who may very well go down as the most effective Kade-skewerer to date.
Hickey, OUT.

Weekend Reading Roundup (One Issue Edition)

"If you don’t have health insurance, you will finally have quality, affordable options once we pass reform. If you have health insurance, we will make sure that no insurance company or government bureaucrat gets between you and the care you need. If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan. You will not be waiting in any lines. This is not about putting the government in charge of your health insurance. I don’t believe anyone should be in charge of your health care decisions but you and your doctor — not government bureaucrats, not insurance companies. ...
In the coming weeks, the cynics and the naysayers will continue to exploit fear and concerns for political gain. But for all the scare tactics out there, what’s truly scary — truly risky — is the prospect of doing nothing. If we maintain the status quo, we will continue to see 14,000 Americans lose their health insurance every day. Premiums will continue to skyrocket. Our deficit will continue to grow. And insurance companies will continue to profit by discriminating against sick people. That is not a future I want for my children, or for yours.
And that is not a future I want for the United States of America." - B. Obama, Aug. 16, 2009, New York Times

And with that, I will engage in healthcare debates no more. Facts and facts. And if you disagree with what you just read, you trade in falsity and wallow in greed.

15 August 2009

Chima Leaves Big Brother!!!!


My boy Baxter just told me that the blog he follows about all things Big Brother -- Joker Updates -- noted that Chima, queen bitch of the cackling annoying laugh, left the house overnight. Now, she seemed fine to me during the 12 a.m. to 3 a.m. Showtime Big Brother After Dark show, except for laying in bed all pouty for a while. (Yes, I watch three hours of BB each night or watch the part after which I fell asleep DVRd.)
To which I say: Good f'in riddance. You gave all freelance writers a horrible name, Chima.

Sqwearl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the best local bands I'd ever heard was when I lived in South Carolina. Florence, to be exact. They were called Sqwearl. They sang a lot about cocaine, too. As in "[something] o'clock and the cocaine's gone." I still have a few of their songs on my iPod, even though there was no such thing as iPods back then. We'd go down to Myrtle Beach to see them because my friend Glenn Puit was into metal, big-time. He still is, I gather from his Facebook updates. I mention all of this because Sqwearl lifted my loathing of squirrels; even though I still deem them rats with furry tails, I'm not inclined to pray one runs in front of my car. I follow a couple of them on Twitter, too. They're always "run, run, run" or "dig, dig, dig" -ing. Add pose, pose, posing to that list:

14 August 2009

Mama Tazed!

"You only get one shot at a second chance"



And it all comes full circle...

I end this week by brushing aside the Wrigley beer tosser, the people against signing Michael Vick, the state senator evoking the Holocaust in relation to his 4.5 year sentence and any other douchebag I've been fixated on, by no choice of my own, this week.
Because, really, it comes back to Arthur Kade, the guy who did the mockumentary on Arthur Kade and Arthur Kade's abortion-offering father. THEY are the true douchebags. On that, I hope we can all agree...

Fine, take the mockumentary guy off that list. He's ripping Kade. Like everybody should. In fact, I'm going to ask Vick to unleash upon Kade a few ... oh, too soon?

A must-read


Pork Chops breeds, trains and prepares his dogs for grueling, life or death battles against other dogs for amusement, bragging rights and cold cash. And like his fellow dogmen, he’s unapologetic about his chosen hobby, unmoved by the cruelty of the bloodsport, and unfazed by the horror and scorn from the rest of society. The dogmen stand on street corners in West, North and South Philly, and everywhere in between, boasting about the exploits of legendary dog fighters like Pop Shooter, whose names strike fear into the hearts of dogmen.
"Dog fighting is mostly based on reputation," Pork Chops says, puffing a Kool as he drives down 52nd Street in the big white Chevy wagon he calls Moby Dick. "Sometimes people will come knock on your door because they heard you got good dogs. They’ll have their dog in the backseat ready to go right then," he laughs. "I’ve done it myself. It’s like the old Western gunfighters thing, everybody wants to be the baddest in town
."


For those of you who didn't think it happened here, here's a link to Daryl Gale's depth-defying May 2000 look into Philly's dogfighting world.

Oh yeah, the Wrigley beer tosser? Still cooler than Bartman

 
Johnny Macchione, 21, was cited for battery and illegal conduct within a sports facility late Thursday. The college student's face had been splashed across the Internet and television after the team announced it had ejected the wrong man in the incident and was looking for the real culprit.
"Chicago Cubs, I'm sorry I disgraced you," Macchione said as he left Belmont Area police headquarters after being charged.
The Cubs organization and Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino filed a complaint with the Chicago police after the dousing. Macchione, who described himself as a lifelong Cubs fan, contacted detectives later that day and turned himself in.
The battery charge, the more serious of the two, carries a possible sentence of up to 364 days. If convicted, Macchione faces up to 180 days on the illegal conduct charge.
"It was a big mistake," he said. "I'd like to apologize to Shane Victorino. It really was nothing against him.
"... The courts will handle itself out, but I'm sorry for what I did."

A: Who are a bunch of people who will burn in hotter Hell flames than Vick?

Please let it be Trig's mom. Please let it be Trig's mom...
WASHINGTON - The stubborn yet false rumor that President Obama’s health care proposals would create government-sponsored “death panels” to decide which patients were worthy of living seemed to arise from nowhere in recent weeks.
Advanced even this week by Republican stalwarts including the party’s last vice-presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, and Charles E. Grassley, the veteran Iowa senator, the nature of the assertion nonetheless seemed reminiscent of the modern-day viral Internet campaigns that dogged Mr. Obama last year, falsely calling him a Muslim and questioning his nationality.
But the rumor — which has come up at Congressional town-hall-style meetings this week in spite of an avalanche of reports laying out why it was false — was not born of anonymous e-mailers, partisan bloggers or stealthy cyberconspiracy theorists.
Rather, it has a far more mainstream provenance, openly emanating months ago from many of the same pundits and conservative media outlets that were central in defeating President Bill Clinton’s health care proposals 16 years ago, including the editorial board of The Washington Times, the American Spectator magazine and Betsy McCaughey, whose 1994 health care critique made her a star of the conservative movement (and ultimately, New York’s lieutenant governor).
There is nothing in any of the legislative proposals that would call for the creation of death panels or any other governmental body that would cut off care for the critically ill as a cost-cutting measure. But over the course of the past few months, early, stated fears from anti-abortion conservatives that Mr. Obama would pursue a pro-abortion, pro-euthanasia agenda, combined with twisted accounts of actual legislative proposals that would provide financing for optional consultations with doctors about hospice care and other “end of life” services, fed the rumor to the point where it overcame the debate.


Oh, and Robert L. Archie and the rest of Philadelphia School Reform Commission? Yeah, you're right there with the Vicks and death panel liars of the world for being all "Rah Rah, Delaware Valley High School, you'll be great for Ridge Avenue" at your meeting this week. Psst: That whole community group that neighborhood-war-profiteer/lawsuit-threatener David Shulick and developer/douche Mark Sherman said they had behind them? Yeah, most of them pay rent to Sherman but don't live here.

I, Charlie Dawg Hickey...


... hereby support Michael Vick's return to the NFL. He did his crime -- and, arf, they were some nasty ones, arf -- and he did his time. That's not to say that I'll hang out with him anytime soon, or have my dad Brian buy me a Vick jersey (and not just because I'm a McNabb and DeSean Jackson fan). But, like the old adage goes: Euthanizers and bad owners that let us run into the street kill more dogs than Vick did. Or something like that.

13 August 2009

Welcome to Philly, Michael Vick


In the back of my mind, I thought this might happen. But now that it did, I can say my piece. And that piece is: If you want to protest the fact that Michael Vick has gotten a job in the NFL, be prepared for me to respond with:
"Shame on you. He served his time. I thought the goal of incarceration was rehabilitation, not pure punishment? What's that, you say, the death penalty should be abolished because it isn't a deterrent? Well, I have a bright idea along those lines: Abolish prisons since, as we'll see with the hippie reaction to the Eagles' signing of Vick, incarceration doesn't rehabilitate people. Once you get locked up, you're only as good as the crimes you committed."

No, I don't respect Vick. If you raise dogs to fight, maim and/or kill, you're not good people. On Charlie Dawg's behalf, I loathe him. But he's sure as hell allowed to re-enter society and earn a living. Otherwise, you'd probably just go back to the dog training that you know will fill your pockets with money for day-to-day living.
Oh, and whatchu gonna do they win the Super Bowl this year on the heels of a wildcat play led by Vick?
Thought so.
Now sit down, and shut up.

Can't Sidestep Reality, Phils Fans


Yes, the douchebag who doused Victorino with a beer at Wrigley last night should receive a punishment on par with a bar-of-soap-in-long-sock beating. Uncalled for. Pathetic. On. And on. (And, look at him: He should have "Prick" tattooed across his forehead and hang out with Kade, for crissake.)
But all you Phillies fans still harping on it, just one thing: How about our city go a couple homestands without a fatal fan beating in the parking lot near the stadium bar before we get all holier than thou? Because that wasn't J.D. Drew battery night or Santa snowball chuckin or Michael Irvin taunting; that was an eternal stain on our reputations.
Short memories.
Selective memories.
So, please stop asking me to join your "Ban Beer Tosser From Wrigley" Facebook groups unless you launch a "Ban Fishtown Bar Bus Trips From Citizens Bank Park" group as well.

Donte's Inferno

Well, even though he manned up and didn't flee the scene of a fatal DUI-car-on-pedestrian accident in Miami, the NFL suspends former Eagle Donte Stallworth for a year sans pay...
"Your conduct endangered yourself and others, leading to the death of an innocent man. The NFL and NFL players must live with the stain that you have placed on their reputations," Goodell said.

Further evidence that Pennsylvania's hit-and-run laws are insultingly weak. Though, I suppose douchecommenter from yesterday's post would probably maintain something along the lines of, "Whoa, 30 days in jail is ample punishment for killing someone. Why's the NFL taking money from Donte's wallet now? He should get a medal."

12 August 2009

The Welcome to My Face show...


... has apparently been moved from Rittenhouse Square to Lucky Strikes bowling alley on or near, I think, 13th and Walnut. But, you're online. Google it.

Today's Metro Column...

... can be found here.

A Valentine for the Hell-Bound Maggots of the DRPA


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
Six.
For the two pieces of skull held in place with titanium, the two busted vertebrae, the shoulder cap that still aches, and the brain lobe that says, "Hey, you still don't know who hit you with that car because the DRPA doesn't have cameras in their Collingswood station or parking lot that would have captured the drunk that got off the SpeedLine and sped a line down Atlantic Ave. nearly ended your life." (Oh, I forgot, not your fault since it didn't happen on your property. My bad.)
But allow me to add a seventh way to that loving list: The fact that even SEPTA has out-classed you now.
To reduce crime on the subways, SEPTA soon will install closed-circuit cameras in trains on the Market-Frankford Line.
The $3,349,560 project will place 10 cameras in each of the 225 cars on the subway-elevated that is SEPTA's busiest line. The installation will begin late this year or early next year, SEPTA spokesman Richard Maloney said.

What's that, you say: You also got a security grant but will whittle it away on "anti-terrorism" ploys? And going-green moves? And for sports arenas? And to pay Gov. Rendell's lawfirm? And to reopen a station that history tells you that you'll just have to close in three years?
Good moves, especially once I track down the driver who admits that he was hammered on your train and driving out of your lot. Just so you can start looking, I'll take a place with 3 or 4 bedrooms, preferably right around the corner from Ernest Hemingway's old house in Key West.
Or, better yet, maybe I'll just take Hemingway's house and bar.

11 August 2009

"Furthermore, I won't refer to your homeland as anything but Zaire from here on out, missy. How do ya like me now, huh?"

Oh snap! Hillary got all Million Dollar Baby over in the Congo when a college kid dared to raise the holy name of Bill Clinton...
The secretary of state bristled Monday when — as she heard it — a Congolese university student asked what her husband thought about an international financial matter.
She hadn't traveled to Africa to talk about her husband the ex-president. But even there, she couldn't escape his outsized shadow.
She abruptly reclaimed the stage for herself.
"My husband is not secretary of state, I am," she snapped. "I am not going to be channeling my husband."


True, Hillary, and I've been warming to you since Obama opened his can of Rodham whoop-ass and all. But, your husband did go to North Korea to fix up a Secretary of State sized problem, no?
I wake up every morning thanking sweet Jebus she didn't win.

Oh angry white folks, you so crayzee



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This one settles into logic right around 4:27 in.

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