Heroes of the Week
Bronze: Rolling Stone magazine, for reminding how badly the friggin' Ambien totally freaked me out when I was still hospitalized with getting-run-over-by-a-car injuries. Seriously, I don't care that it treats other people differently, i.e. good-ly. That shit's bound to drive people to kill themselves, or others. When I brained up enough to communicate, one of the first things I told my doctors was: Take me the hell of Ambien. It's driving me insane.
The company that makes Ambien should be ashamed of itself.
Silver: Maureen Krueger, come on down.
CARTHAGE, N.C. (AP) — A prosecutor said Thursday she will seek the death penalty against a man accused of killing eight people during a shooting rampage at a nursing home in central North Carolina.
Moore County District Attorney Maureen Krueger made the statement at a brief hearing in Moore County Superior Court for Robert Kenneth Stewart, 45. (Pictured in a shot that makes me hope they're already brewing up enough lethal injectant to slay a team of oxen.)
About 50 relatives of the victims at Pinelake Health and Rehabilitation Center in Carthage attended the hearing for their first glimpse of Stewart.
"There's not enough punishment he could receive on the earth that could justify what he took," said Jill DeGarmo, who worked at the nursing home as a medical technician and was engaged to marry nurse Jerry Avant, 39. "He's not crazy. He's pure evil, a man without a conscience."
Yet, the part of me that understands crazy people realizes that the anti-death-penalty contingent will find a way to say, "Opening fire at a nursing home is a good thing" without, you know, saying that verbatim. Now, I realize they're just all in an Ambien Fog. They'll wake up and be ashamed of themselves, I'm sure.
Gold: Sid and Marty Krofft.
So, on Monday, I TiVoed 40 episodes of Land of the Lost. It was a marathon on SciFi TV or something like that. I've watched 20, three of which I earmarked for performance along Cuthbert Boulevard, across the street from McD's with Baxter and Tish. (More on that to come.) After totally getting wigged out by the country-western theme, or how vivid that T Rex that follows the actors to their cave and turns around growlingly was in my subconscious, I said, "Dude, who the hell are Sid and Marty Krofft? Are they still alive? Can I talk to them?" Well, the Times answered the first two of those questions on Sunday.
[T]he Krofft brothers created and became indelibly associated with some of the grooviest Saturday morning children’s television programming of the 1970s, including the colorful hits “H. R. Pufnstuf,” “Sigmund and the Sea Monsters” and “The Bugaloos.” Yet for all the trippy nostalgia the Kroffts have induced, it has been nearly 40 years since one of their shows has been adapted into a film, a drought that ends when “Land of the Lost” (starring Will Ferrell and a bunch of dinosaurs) opens on Friday.
All I gotta say is, "Check. Out. The. Picture. From. HR. Pufnstuf."
Uh, he said Puff and stuff, Beavis, uh huhuhuhuh.
Yeah, yeah, and he looks like a weiner!