Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

01 December 2009

Here's why the guy who got hit by an automobile sides with cars in their battle vs bicycles

Pedestrian: Get the hell off the sidewalk, bicyclist.

Bicyclist: It's not safe in the street. Cars don't treat bicycles with traffic-law respect.

Pedestrian: That doesn't give you the right to swerve among people who also took the green-friendly approach of walking rather than burning oil to drive. Bikes and cars go in the street; pedestrians go on the sidewalk. Never the twain should meet.

Bicyclist: Fuck you and the toes you rode in on. Get it? I made a funny! We own the streets and sidewalks and everywhere else. Maybe you should just get a bike rather than investing in new sneakers once a year. I'll ride on the sidewalk all I want, and try to fashion it as an anti-car message when all it is is a means to prove I haven't ethically and morally developed beyond a 10-year-old.

Pedestrian: I wish they had training wheels that taught both respect and proper soap-application techniques.

Translation: Bicyclists put their own safety before that of pedestrians and then pretend they're fighting for the common man. Their sense of holier-than-thou entitlement is astounding and ass-backward. You can't play "good for the environment" if you're bad for a pedestrians' environment and peace of mind. The last time I saw a car drive on a sidewalk was Jake and Elwood Blues' ride.
Ergo, even though I hate cars and the hell they can rain down upon lives, I hate bike pedalers that don't stay in the street, where they belong, even more.
And now, for your entertainment...


Blogger miss bee said...

i laughed so so hard at the three car pile up around the :45 second marker.

11:40 AM  
Blogger Leah Franqui said...

I bike everywhere, but NEVER on the sidewalk, come on, there are children there! That's just dochey.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

If all the pedal pushers were as non-douchey as you, Leah, I'd be on the bike's side in this whole mess. I hate me some cars. But, I hate me some Schwinn (or however you spell it) riding my heels more.
(And yeah, bee, that was a highlight!)

12:55 PM  

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