Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

16 November 2009

45 random thoughts during Sarah Palin's appearance on Oprah

1. I wonder if Todd's allowed to watch this.

2. No, I really haven't been waiting to hear what Sarah Palin has to say Oprah. I heard enough of it before. It was weak-minded nonsense.

3. Oprah may be more delusionally self-absorbed than Palin, who is a liar and a whore.

4. I really don't think Palin is a whore. That's just a line from a movie of which I can't recall the name.

5. Her book is a best seller because America is filled to the brim with morons and easily-seduced saps. It's like Nagasaki, but rather than wiping a people out, just their intelligence fell victim.

6. She says she felt confident in her executive experience to be one Johnny Mc heartbeat from leading the world. She seems to think people can be felled like moose from a helicopter.

7. Bristol's still hotter than her mammy.

8. Christ, she pulled the D-in-high-school-science is the only skeleton in her closet. I can imagine there are five human ones in there right now, dangling on the edge of, and scream-praying for, death.


10. Levi seems like a good dude, but hell, he should just stop talking to various Pat O'Brien-esque gossip shows. It just gives her legs to stand on.

11. She calls out the haters. I would suspect she couldn't define that.

12. She does have a point that the press laid off Obama's family, but not hers.

13. Going back to No. 9, I hope I make, like, $5 by cashing in on Palin's Idiot Nation. I would spend it on meth. Or crank. I've never even done meth and crank, and I wouldn't, but just to spend Palin loot on it would make Brian a happy boy.

14. I wonder if McCain was just trying to swing a menage. Cindy would be into it.

15. I'm all about empowering women, too. Just not crazy women.

16. Todd is banging a moose right now. Don't ask me how I know. I can just sense his buggery.

17. She self-tanned her face differently than her hands. Which lends to the question: Do the curtains ...

18. No, Oprah, you most certainly cannot wear the same suit every day. Unless you're a superstitious undertaker.

19. Her hair would look considerably better if it were darker, and brushed. Still the hottest politician this side of Ron Paul -- meow! -- though.

20. It wasn't the economy's fault, moron. It was you. Namely, your blatant under-qualification for the office.

21. "Not so much," she says of her preparation for what she thought was going to be a "lighthearted" "working mom" interview with Katie Couric. I think things would have went better if she could have named a single newspaper she read daily. Damn that vast left-wing conspiracy!

22. I hardly believe the McCain campaign said "Right on" after her interview with Couric.

23. She does have a gift for shifting from nonsense to talking point. That'll serve her well.

24. Neanderthal from some nomadic tribe. You said it, Sarah. Not me. But I'll certainly steal it for my use.

25. She has a friend named Betsy. Pat O'Brien's wife is named Betsy. I sense a connection. I yearn for it to be true.

26. Being pro-life is empowering women? That's a debate I'd actually sit through. At least until she shoots the abortion doctor.

27. Actually, this is compelling to hear her explain how she told Todd their baby would have Down Syndrome. It's a shame they didn't talk more about that before "Sarah Palin on Levi Johnston" popped up -- no pun intended -- on the screen which preceded a commercial for (what appeared to be) Jenna Jamieson on tomorrow's show. And to think I have to wait 23 hours and 29 minutes for that one.

28. I wonder if Sarah ever has naughty dreams about Levi. Or Levi, Todd and her. I'd lay 4-to-1 odds that the answer to the latter is yes.

29. She has a point that "Ricky Hollywood" is out-of-line for going public with all the family stuff. If she's right that his media tours interferes with his seeing the kid, he's a dirtbag.

30. I think she has a foreign-country flag pin on.

31. Is she wearing a weave? Curtains. Drapes. Sorry, I had to go back around with that one.

32. Philly cop was in a car crash in Northeast Philly (Cottman and Castor). No word on the seriousness of the injuries.

33. Yes, there are consequences to unprotected sex. One of them is losing an invite to the Palin dinner table on Turkey Day. She is handling these questions about Levi (or Ricky) rather well. I'm impressed. He has an open invite to go to "Aunt Katie's" house in "Washington." Whatever the f*ck that means.

34. LOVED the action shots from Sarah's gym. She's got chicken legs, though. I knew that from when I saw her in person, but I still wonder whether they make the ass look better jeans or worse. Life's mysteries.

35. From Angie: "They have a Winnebago." That's boss.

36. If Todd were to tell the truth, I guarantee he voted for Obama. You know, just to get the boss lady back for all the cross words and actions.

37. I'll tell you what she was thinking on Election Night, Oprah: "Now that I've taken the party down, but loony hotness will harvest votes in 2012. Now, make me a spot of tea, Jeeves."

38. I probably sound belittling, but I concede that she's coming off better than I thought she would. I wouldn't vote for her in any election not sponsored by Maxim or Oui, though. And nor should you.

39. The family-time-constraints question leveled at her, and not at male politicians, is bogus. And sexist. But the product of nature and societal nurture.

40. "A new normal in Alaska" may be my favorite phrase since "Mind if we dance wif yo dates?" I call shenanigans on her for blaming Obama's FOIA campaign for pushing her to resign. She resigned because she'd tasted Dom Perignon and just couldn't go back to Brut.

41. I'll bet she gets aroused with just a whiff of musk. Or Drakkar.

42. "Effecting positive change," that's what she wants to do. Running for President isn't on her radar.

43. Her media coaching team gets an A-minus for getting her prepped to perform like this. My opinion on her hasn't changed a lick, but she came off as human. And you betcha that counts for something.

44. I wish Oprah had asked if she could really see Russia from her porch, though. Sarah effectively fended off the question of whether she'd get a competing talk show.

45. I LOVE how the Action News tease before her last three minutes included this fitting photograph ...


Blogger sanford said...

I didn't quite read through all your points. But the one thing I saw that I disagree with was that the press laid off of Clintons family. There was really nothing to say about Clinton's family. Chelsea was just a little girl when Clinton was in office and there was plenty of stuff written about Hillary.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

I can see that, up to a point. Hillary's public side was, I think, fair game though. Seem to remember Chelsea being pretty much sheltered unlike the whole whith-trash spectacular that started with the bastard grandchild.

7:20 PM  
Blogger sanford said...

I as assuming you are not blaming for the Clintons to shelter Chelsea. And the Obama's are pretty doing much the same thing. Kids are not fair game. I don't think Palins kids were always fair game, but she marched them out there anyway.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

I agree wholeheartedly that kids are off-limits but, I disagree that the Palins asked for it.
If you're going to say she trotted them out, then I'd say Sacha and Malia have been trotted out to the same extent. And, as such, are fair game too.

5:38 PM  

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