Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

30 September 2009

The Best Compliment I've Ever Received

From Facebook, about my Divorce Court work. And that's Judge Lynn Toler to y'all.

29 September 2009

Tomorrow's Metro Column Tonight

You can find it here. Some may agree with me. Many will disagree. But that's what makes our United States so grand. Feel free to debate it/call me out in the comments. Or not.

Are my cats, y'know...?

Kimbo Slice on Fallon!

And The Roots fittingly played "I'm Gonna Knock You Out" by way of intro.

Tomorrow's Metro Column...

... is about:

Chappelle's Show
Frontline - Clayton Bigsby
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story

Three Songs I Recently Downloaded -- Throwback Edition (With a Record Recommendation)

1. "Just Breathe," Pearl Jam. All the talk about PJ's new album is that it's tight and punky and over before two DVRd episodes of Divorce Court (Ok, I made up that last part. Obviously. But it is only 38-ish minutes). Me and the Bride are going to one of their Spectrum finale shows. Because they rock. And because Eddie didn't blow his brains out and end up getting whored out in Guitar Hero (Seriously, it's disgusting to see Cobain doing a Bon Jovi track. And this is coming from a Jersey boy who, if he was Greek, would consider Jon some sort of God variation at the Parthenon or whereever it is that Greek Gods congregate.) Oh, the song? Yeah, it's actually chill. And I've always found Pearl Jam's much more powerful when chilled out, except for that f'ing played-out Yellow Ledbetter. Makes Vedder's voice more attention-grabbing, so thinketh me.

2. "Off That," Jay-Z. As far as I'm concerned, Jay-Z is not the greatest rapper alive. Chuck D is. With Rakim and Big Daddy Kane closing out the medals board. Still, "Rap Game/Crack Game" is tight. And so is "Off That." I was compelled to hear what Timbaland would do with a Jaywn. Sounds like what he does with even moderately talented performers' songs: Hydraulic bouncin'.

3. "Flight 187," 50 Cent. Eagles' backup-QB shouted out. (No, not Kolb.) "When dogs are fightin in the hood, nobody gives a f*ck. ..." Represent.

RR: If you're not so far gone that you can appreciate borderline country licks, getcha hands on Ryan Bingham's "Roadhouse Sun." Except for a couple mediocre tracks, dude's created something that listenable from beginning to end, even when you're throwing haymakers at imaginary foes during the Wii Gold's Gym Cardio Workout.
Check him out at the North Star next Wednesday (or my review of said show linked from this here blog on Thursday or Friday.)

28 September 2009

Public Service Announcement

You do know there are a litany of new posts over at my Divorce Court blog, right? Here's some whistle whettin'. Cases involved:
-- The best stash I've seen in a while.
-- A poem that includes the word, "ackrite."
-- A rock-star electronics technician.
-- A battle over fried chicken.
-- Nazis.
-- Rabies.

Yeah, it's been pretty good the past week or so. Check it out here.

Arrrrgh you a repeat offenders, mateys?

FBI and Philly PD put out information about a pair of dude's who stuck up the Wachovia in Roxborough this morning. The Pirates hat in the description? Reminds me of dude from the Sept. 11th Rising Sun Avenue job I wrote about on Sept. 16. Here's the details:
The FBI and the Philadelphia Police Department are seeking the public's assistance to identify and locate the subject responsible for the armed robbery of the Wachovia Bank branch located at 6912 Ridge Avenue earlier today.
At approximately 9:15 AM, two unidentified males entered the branch, brandished semi-automatic handguns, and threatened the employees. The subjects are described as black males, in their 20’s, 6’0” tall or taller, thin builds, wearing baseball caps, sunglasses, and dark hooded sweatshirts with the hoods up. One of the subjects’ baseball caps had a Pirate’s “P” logo on the front and a red bill.
After obtaining an undisclosed amount of cash, the subjects fled on foot and were last seen running on Ridge Avenue. There were no injuries.
Four photographs from the bank's security cameras are attached to this email. These subjects are considered armed and dangerous, and anyone with information is asked to call the FBI at 215-418-4000 or the Philadelphia Police Department. There may be a reward for information leading to the identification and apprehension of these subjects. Tipsters can remain anonymous.

Roxborough, rise up and drop dime!

Daily News dips into the insane-letters well

Presented without follow-up comment, so as not to give Pat the wrong idea ...
THANK God for Glenn Beck, one of the few Americans with the guts to ask the hard questions regarding this administration.
The left labels him a fearmonger and right-wing nut job. Good! The more they hate someone, the more it makes us Americans realize just how much they fear the truth.
I see that his hometown of Mt. Vernon, Wash., has more than its share of leftist lug nuts protesting his homecoming.
They are tolerant of every tyrant in the world, but an American who dares criticize socialism is to be demonized. They are so outraged - while I am so thrilled.
Pat Dougherty

Oh hell, I can't resist.
Thank God for people who can see Glenn Beck as a fear-monger who's whipping white folk like, I presume, Pat and Pat's kinfolk, into a murderous rage.
He's a maniac.
Defending him, while all he's doing is mindf*cking you, is nothing short of maniacal.
Off to Ancora now.

Wondertwin Cat Powers Activate!

... form of a guy who should be duct-taped and waterboarded! Form of feline waterboard administrator!
[19-year-old James] Davis admitted to impulsively taping up the cat after seeing it in the yard of the home where he lives with his parents, Bengal said.
Davis left the cat in his yard for a couple of hours, then, because the animal kept screaming, tossed it into a neighbor's yard, where at least 12 hours passed before she was noticed and authorities were contacted, Bengal said.

Is the (Kade)End Nigh?

The responsibility of being Arthur Kade can sometimes be overwhelming, because I have to constantly become a better actor, get great jobs in “The Biz”, hang out with the hottest girls on the planet, and go to the hottest VIP Parties there are, and then I can here my Dad’s words where he says, “Are you really complaining about your life. People have to run businesses and balance checkbooks everyday, and you get to chase your dream for a living so be grateful”

*Yes, it is. And yes, I've stoppped linking to his site. If it's unbearable to read, it's unbearable to link.

27 September 2009

Weekend Reading Roundup (One-Sentence-Per Edition)

1. East Cleveland rocks.

2. Writer calls out douchebag radio-guy for publicly confronting him over story, decreasing ratings/clout and apparently bad spit breath, but manages to seem like a bigger douchebag himself in doing so.

3. Again, Rolling Stone fails to post a link to what was an insightful piece about how behind-the-scenes conservaculas ramped up their evil to battle healthcare, but puts a Birther interview up.

4. The story of Rob Wunder Jr. and Rob Wunder III is the type that papers should tell, with depth, more often.

5. Become Facebook friends with 340 endangered mountain gorillas.

25 September 2009

Greatest American Hero

And the winner is: Sal Fasano. My boy Jeff Pearlman wrote about the Phillies greatest mustachioed catcher in history (about whom he also did a piece in 2006). His is a story that keeps getting more compelling by the chapter.
Two years ago, just when Fasano was thinking of finally retiring, his wife, Kerri, gave birth to the couple's third child, a boy named Santo. He was born with hypoplastic heart syndrome, a condition in which the left side of the heart is underdeveloped. "It was devastating, of course," Sal says. "Your son is helpless, and there's not that much you can do."
There was one thing Sal could do -- find a way to remain in the major leagues...

I shan't spoil where things go from there. You can read it here.

*Photo by Rego

No gnus may be good gnus, but Glenn Beck is still batshit crazy

Watch CBS Videos Online

24 September 2009

The Wrong Target

Am I the only one who thinks that cat duct-taper was likely some totally stoned kids inspired by Charlie's Kitten Mittens on the It's Always Sunny commercials? Probably not.
Am I wrong in thinking that the duct tape should have been used on the mouths of both sides of the bike-lane issue? Absolutely, positively not. Both sides should be stoned.

An Open Letter to My Favorite Hit-and-Run Driver

Yo, how've you been? Time flies; it's just about 10 months now since we first met. Ha, you're right! We didn't officially and/or formally meet. Because you're a pussy. And a coward. And deserve every last bit of karmic guilt that's yet to come your way.
Wow, I should apologize for that. If you're a chick, like the gothy one with a dark car and shiney hubcaps like unsolicited psychic medium emailed about, you're not a pussy. You're a four-letter word that that rhymes with hunt. (Fun fact: It's also a synonym for the last word from two sentences ago.)
But I digress. You came to mind today when I went over to Collingswood to pick up the jacket I'd worn that night. Yep, you got it: The black leather one. Well, lo and behold the cops also held on to these:

Yep, my favorite jeans. The ones that got cut off me. The ones that have blood and street scrapes on them. I put them on a car hood since that's the last place you saw them.
All of which is to say, once I find you -- and, c'mon, you didn't think I'd stop looking, did you? -- you owe me $45 for a new pair.
Champagne wishes and caviar dreams,

X-Files: ACORN

There was a pile of broken acorns near two cigarette butts in the alley behind my house today. (Seriously. This ain't no Glenn Beck sh*t.)
There is no tree behind my house, or accumulation of butts since I quit smoking.
I'm of the mind that the government has released a plague of nicotine-addled squirrels upon us. (You know, like Reagan et al did with crack cocaine.)
And that, in reality, even crazed rat-like monsters roaming about are better than what the Peacock boys did with Mama Peacock back in Season Four.

Any theories?

23 September 2009

Brad Lidge may very well be days away from joining the Dead to Me List

I tore the back page out of this week's Sports Illustrated, wholly intending to write a "oh look, SI's Phil Taylor is kind of throwing props Philly's way for how it's not riding Brad Lidge all that hard for his trials/tribulations this here season ...
Philadelphia is as unforgiving a city as there is in sports, but the fans have been so thrown by Lidge's display of maturity that they can't quite bring themselves to unload on him with both barrels. They haven't gone completely soft: A blogger asked readers to express their feelings about Lidge in 10 words or fewer, and one of the responses was, "Thanks for the World Series ring, here is your suitcase."
But the Lidge they deride online and on talk radio is the same Lidge who patiently signs their autographs at Citizens Bank Park even in the worst of times, which is why when he came in for the ninth inning of a game against Washington last week, the fans stood and cheered as if they weren't scared to death that he would let another lead slip away. (He didn't.)

I typed it before, but I'll type it again: Lidge has a Free Get Out of Savage Criticism Card since he threw the pitch that broke a quarter-century civic curse. But what he DOESN'T have is a Free F*ck Hickey's Fantasy Team Thus Costing Him Three Digits in the Wallet Card. Which is precisely what he did by costing Hamels another win tonight.
Dude, c'mon. Homie's not back to full-time yet. Help a brother out. As in, if you blow either Happ's or Pedro's win before Sunday, Brad Lidge formally joins the Dead To Me list. He'll be below Celine Dion (obviously) but above South Bend, Ind. chokers.
You've been warned, Brad.

Caption Contest **Updated with Entries**

From the aforementioned Fall-of-Rome piece:

Let's start with "I'll take Scary Black People for $1,000, Alex."

**Via Facebook (where these posts migrate as notes), some proposed captions. Feel free to vote here. Or there.

Kirk: Thaat's the way we became the shady bunch

Rodney: How Glenn Beck envisions Obama's cabinet.

Jack Baxter: E True Hollywood Story- W$K

Jennifer: and they all had one thing in common to say "Suge Knight!"

Danielle: where da white women at?

D.C. Gab

Message to those of you who like keeping up with daytime real-life drama shows: My Divorce Court blog has started to draw comments from not only those who appear on it to publicly hash out their marital strains, but Judge Lynn and the executive producer dropped me a personal line.
I'm not sure what to make of it, other than the fact that I'm not the only one who loves them some talkin' 'bout Divorce Court. You can check it out here.

When in Rome?

The moral of the story? Never set up a coke-robbery unless you want to die. Even if your homestead is in the most Romantic, elegant new Philadelphia development that will attract both people and their purebred pooches to communal Philadelphia gatherings. To wit (from an inmate, with the person he's talking about not around to defend herself):
The suspect who police maintain was the main gunman in the fatal shooting in June at the Piazza in Northern Liberties has told authorities that one of the two victims - well-known party planner Rian Thal - helped orchestrate the robbery that led to her death, according to several law enforcement sources.
Donnell Murchison, the alleged gunman, claims Thal and another convicted drug dealer arranged for him and other armed men to "rob" Thal on June 27, the day her suppliers dropped off a shipment of drugs, the sources said. By setting up a robbery with an acquaintance, presumably Thal could have profited by getting a kickback either in cash or in some of the stolen drugs.

Oh me, oh my, well that doesn't sound like a nothing-to-see-here random crime, now does it? (I wonder if this will bump -- no pun intended -- the 95-yo's birthday party from atop the Piazza blog.)
Remember: This is not about living. This is about lifestyle.

22 September 2009

Tomorrow's Column, Tonight

And I quote (myself):
I’ll never stop grudging that “Milk” body-slammed “The Wrestler,” but when it came to the “M” question, my stock response was, “You deserve every legal right, but I’m just uncomfortable calling it ‘marriage.’”**
Now I’m with most people in the Garden State, where 59 percent said to change it from civil union to marriage in a 2008 poll.

Here's the link.

**The money line that didn't make the 400-word cut: That "You deserve ..." quote concluded with, "Man shall not lie with man and man cannot reproduce with man, yo."

Tomorrow's Metro column is about ...

Oh, the possibilities, right?

Must be the ample blow

I was wondering how long it'd take for the Piazza in Northern Liberties to land a puff piece to more than make up for all the bad publicity surrounding that lil "cocaine-related double-execution" thing in June.

View more news videos at:

With today's "The Piazza at Schmidts: Rome by the Delaware," um, article in the Inquirer ...

Since the Piazza at Schmidts opened in May, the 80,000-square-foot plaza has "become a real neighborhood," said Avery Amaya, who moved here from Old City last year with his wife, Cheryl, and their bulldog, Nyla. "Everybody's just gathering. For something that was absolutely manufactured in what seems overnight, they did a really good job."
The first time is a shock to everyone. You park in a big, free gravel lot on the edge of some gritty North Philadelphia streets, follow a walkway between new high-rises, and find yourself in the midst of a European oasis.
"It's a fresh breath of air," said Marisa Schaffer, a 27-year-old architect from Queen Village. "It's just like the Piazza Navona. The only thing missing is the fountain."
Actually, there is one, on the north side behind a bed of zinnias.

... the answer became clear: two months and 26 days.
And you said objective newsgathering and/or refusing to cave to heat from big developer/advertisers was dead.
Zinnias for everyone!

21 September 2009

Two songs that I recently downloaded

1. "Upside Down," The Binges. Remember a couple weeks back when I was in a chicks-rock download mood but then I realized that the Silversun Pickups singer was actually dude? Yeah, well I downloaded The Binges because they got two rocking chicks therein. And a whole lot of soft-metal soul. They make me want to loot. Check it ...

2. "Rollin' With Kid 'N' Play," Kid 'N' Play. I don't know what it is, about this thing that we call old-school-rap's pussy cousin. But it sure is funky.
2 Hype.

Yeah, but can Michael Phelps block?

I don't know whether this is just sad or very, very sad after watching the Birds patchwork offensive line yesterday. But with no further ado, here's former Eagle Shawn Andrews.

Shades of Kade.

Weekend Reading Roundup (Nonsense and Sensibility -- with a side of awesome -- Edition) *With Ital'd update from a comment

And the Nominees for Nonsense are ...
Ken Ferris, for his role as Inquirer columnist journalistically validating Geraldo-esque hidden-camera entrapment!
ACORN traditionally backs voter-registration drives, affordable housing, and minimum-wage increases. Turns out some of its staff are also open to prostitution, sex trafficking in minors, tax fraud, and money laundering.
That is the unmistakable message from ACORN employees caught on camera in the series of videos released by O'Keefe and Giles.

Joe Sestak, for his role as Running-for-Office pol who apparently decided it wasn't worth pissing on-the-fence voters off to simply reprimand a rube/peer who taunted El Jefe! UPDATE: If the commenter is correct and he missed the vote for his father's funeral, well, I'm a prick and the attention should be shifted toward those GOPers who voted not to chastise Wilson just because their names are followed by (insert home state here, R). Condolences and apologies to Sestak.*
Voting 240-179, the House expressed "disapproval" of Rep. Joe Wilson's outburst during President Obama's Sept. 9 speech to Congress. The South Carolina Republican shouted "You lie" when the president said his health-care proposals would not benefit illegal immigrants. Wilson apologized to the White House chief of staff, and Obama accepted the apology. Wilson has refused to apologize to the full House for his act. The disapproval measure (HR 744) was the mildest punishment the House could give to Wilson.
A yes vote was to reprimand Wilson.
Voting yes: John Adler (D., N.J.), Robert E. Andrews (D., N.J.), Robert A. Brady (D., Pa.), Chaka Fattah (D., Pa.), Tim Holden (D., Pa.), Patrick Murphy (D., Pa.), and Allyson Y. Schwartz (D., Pa.)
Voting no: Michael N. Castle (R., Del.), Charles W. Dent (R., Pa.), Jim Gerlach (R., Pa.), Frank A. LoBiondo (R., N.J.), Joseph R. Pitts (R., Pa.), and Christopher H. Smith (R., N.J.).
Not voting: Joe Sestak (D., Pa.).

The government as a whole, for its role in meddling deeper into private business' compensation for employee!
The Federal Reserve for the first time would police banks' pay policies to make sure they do not encourage excessive risk-taking, under a plan the Fed is drafting. The proposal is the Fed's latest response to criticism that it failed to crack down on lax lending, reckless gambles, and other practices that led to the financial crisis.

And the Nominees for Sensibility are ...
Merced Medical Center in California, for accepting and implements practices because the mind and soul are terrible things to leave out of the treatment and care processes.
At Mercy Medical Center in Merced, where roughly four patients a day are Hmong from northern Laos, healing includes more than IV drips, syringes and blood glucose monitors. Because many Hmong rely on their spiritual beliefs to get them through illnesses, the hospital’s new Hmong shaman policy, the country’s first, formally recognizes the cultural role of traditional healers like Mr. Lee, inviting them to perform nine approved ceremonies in the hospital, including “soul calling” and chanting in a soft voice.
The policy and a novel training program to introduce shamans to the principles of Western medicine are part of a national movement to consider patients’ cultural beliefs and values when deciding their medical treatment. The approach is being adopted by dozens of medical institutions and clinics across the country that cater to immigrant, refugee and ethnic-minority populations.

Michael Moore just for being steadfastly committed to his belief system.
... a film that flatly concludes that capitalism is evil is certain to put him at odds with most of the left wing in his own country, and even with President Obama, who gave a speech the next day on Wall Street on the need to reregulate, not replace the financial industry.

And, everybody involved in getting Carl Jung's "The Red Book" published to the benefit of fans, philosophers and brain people everywhere.
THIS COULD SOUND, I realize, like the start of a spy novel or a Hollywood bank caper, but it is rather a story about genius and madness, as well as possession and obsession, with one object — this old, unusual book — skating among those things. Also, there are a lot of Jungians involved, a species of thinkers who subscribe to the theories of Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and author of the big red leather book. And Jungians, almost by definition, tend to get enthused anytime something previously hidden reveals itself, when whatever’s been underground finally makes it to the surface.

Finally, the Nominees for Awesome are ...
The possibility that John T. Elson now knows the answer to his Time magazine cover question: Is God Dead? (Not awesome that he died; awesome that he'd probably asked himself that often.)
The “Is God Dead?” issue gave Time its biggest newsstand sales in more than 20 years and elicited 3,500 letters to the editor, the most in its history to that point. It remains a signpost of the 1960s, testimony to the wrenching social changes transforming the United States.

And, Shaheed Wright of East Orange, NJ for his role in (allegedly) putting bags of blow inside his 4-year-old son's jacket!
The boy shared the drugs with three other 4-year-olds at his day care center Friday.
A teacher spotted a girl with a baggie in her mouth and called authorities after seeing the white powdery substance.

And the winners are ...
Sestak (or R's)*, The Red Book and Shaheed Wright!

18 September 2009

Waitsing List

I don't listen to Tom Waits. But a lot, lot, lot, lot, lot of people do. Which is why is so very, very, very, very, very cool that Waits will be including five pictures taken by my pal and yours Michael T. Regan on the fall release, Tom Waits: Glitter & Doom Live.

Tom Waits: Glitter & Doom Live is a collection of songs taken from his recent tour through the US and Europe. ANTI- records has informed me that one of the images will run as a full 12" panel on the inside of the gate fold LP jacket.
This is an innocent dream. Tom Waits has had a huge effect on my creative development. I discovered the music he recorded on Asylum records in the darker years of my early twenties and he's been with me ever since.

Rock and roll, Rego. Seems that there finally was that birthday party for you in here.

17 September 2009

F that Chicken

It's Always Sunny

Yeah, so there's this thing coming out called A Very Sunny Christmas. They aired a clip before the stage version of The Nightman Cometh. It involves Charlie biting a chunk of flesh out of a mall Santa, because he thought Santa banged his mom.
I'll leave you with that.
And this ...

And this ...

I have to go watch the season premiere now. More tomorrow.

Check back here tomorrow ...

... for a recap of The Nightman Cometh.

I'm Depressed

Here's why.
(H/T Mike Regan -- not the former City Paper one.)

And just like that ...

... I find myself wishing I was still on the Atlantic City cops-and-fire beat. To wit:
[Atlantic] City Solicitor Bruce Tarver ... described the allegations:
-- Firefighters invited four females into the station.

-- One female donned fire equipment and was photographed.

-- A firefighter asked one or more females to remove their clothing.

-- A firefighter asked one or more females to perform sexual acts.

Tarver said all the alleged acts occurred while the firehouse was fully staffed.

16 September 2009

The Hickey Endorsement

A week or so back I received an email from Cumi and Ciki. They're Malaysian; write a food-and-culture blog there. And, get this, while Americans (myself included) don't offer such courtesies, they asked if I'd be OK with them linking to my interviews with karate-guy Danny Shirley and word-of-the-Lord-bearer Jody Trautwein. Of course I said yes, and here's a link to their link to my post.
Seems as if their government's rather censor-y, but do me a favor: Check their site out and put some nice comments on there. Looks to me like they're working hard. And, most importantly, being polite about it.


Four new Divorce Court posts are up here.

Today's Metro Column

... can be found here.
But what's more compelling to me is the fact that, a mere 14-ish years out of college, I finally achieved my photo in a jaundice hue. You see, jaundice was a favorite word around the college paper and, oh, well, forget it, it's not funny unless you were there. And if you were there, you know why.

As a public service though, here's the text of the FBI's press release about the bank robbery the column was hinged upon:
The FBI and the Philadelphia Police Department are seeking the public's assistance to identify and locate the subjects responsible for the robbery of the Citizen’s Bank branch located at 7248 Rising Sun Avenue in Philadelphia on Friday, September 11, 2009.

At approximately 9:05 AM, two unidentified males entered the branch and made threatening demands to the tellers and customers inside the bank. The subjects are described as black males in their 20's, average height and medium build, the first wearing a dark-colored ‘Phillies’ logo baseball cap, sunglasses, a dark hooded sweatshirt, blue bandana, dark pants white sneakers, and carrying an umbrella. The second subject was wearing a light-colored baseball cap, dark mask or bandana, a red hooded sweatshirt, dark pants, dark-colored sneakers, and appeared to have tape on his fingertips. It is possible that a third subject waited outside the door of the bank during the robbery.

After obtaining an undisclosed amount of cash, the subject fled on foot in an unknown direction. There were no injuries.

Four photographs from the bank's security cameras are attached to this email. These subjects are considered armed and dangerous, and anyone with information is asked to call the FBI at 215-418-4000 or the Philadelphia Police Department. There may be a reward for information leading to the identification and apprehension of these subjects. Tipsters can remain anonymous.
To view flyers of this and other bank robbery subjects wanted by the FBI/Major Crimes Task Force, please visit and click on the Detectives Box and the Violent Crimes Task Force link.

Last Night's Phillies Game

Most people are talking about lil girl throwing the foul ball back onto the field. Or Cliff Lee going a full nine shutout. Not me, though. I'm talking about Tyrone's Bitch. Via Twitter last night ...

Tyrone's in front of me at the Phils game. I know this bc the lady next to him is sporting a sleeveless Tshirt that reads "Tyrone's B*tch".
about 18 hours ago from txt

This makes me want to make a line of apparel that says "Hickey's Bitch" and sell them at Target.
about 18 hours ago from txt

As far as I can tell, the implication isn't that "Tyrone is b*tch." He seems pretty cool. She's just comfortable declaring her Tyro-status.
about 18 hours ago from txt

Tyrone's Bitch's friend, after the Nationals LF caught the ball: "Yo drop the ball, p*ssy." She's not sporting Tyrone-wear, thankfully.
about 18 hours ago from txt

All props and credit to the Phillies fan photographer who handed Tyrone a card off of which I was able to eyesdrop the Phillies Fan Fotos website to see it online. And all props and credit to Tyrone and Tyrone's Bitch for being there in my time of need.
(And yes, that's my knee and hands and Blackberry from which I updated the Twitter world about the presence of Tyrone's Bitch. You say I need more productive things to do with my time, I say to-mahh-toe.)

Hey Jimmy, you're so right, you're so right, you blow their minds. Hey Jimmy (clap clap clapclap) Hey Jimmy

Former President Jimmy Carter on Joe "Good Ole Boy" Wilson's heckling of Black Pres ...
"I think it's based on racism," Carter said. "There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president."

That more than makes up for the malaise comment.

Tha Playas Bawl

I'm not saying anybody out there with double-digit brain cells has ever believed that Fox News was fair and balanced. (Good gimmick for the dim-witted, though.) But if you needed another bit of proof that they aren't, take this whole ACORN-helping-hos story out. Out being the key word, because they're leaving out what happened when Wannabe Crack Reporters 1. and 2. came to Philadelphia.
Namely (from today's Daily News)...
Giles, in a post on the Web site, said she and O'Keefe had been driven by their belief that "ACORN is corrupt" and are on "a quest for truth unraveling the mystery of organized corruption."
But when the phony pimp and prostitute tag team visited ACORN's local office, on Broad Street near Parrish, on July 24, they were apparently shown the door.
Philadelphia ACORN president Carol Hemingway said in a statement on Monday that "after causing a major disturbance, they were asked to leave the office, and a police report was filed."
Hemingway e-mailed copies of the incident report to the news media. No charges were filed against O'Keefe or Giles, and their visit to the City of Brotherly Love has not been part of a series of reports aired on the Fox News Channel.

Note to lunatic conservatives unwilling to say what's really bothering them about America's White House these days: By all means, stay fixated on ACORN. It's not like 5 percent of your perceived enemies even knows what the group does. I mean, besides community activism and offering advice to pimps and hos when entrapped by wannabe investigative journalists.
Better hope we don't have a squad that's all, Let's go trick somebody into outting themselves as the next Mark Foley.
Or Mark Sanford.
Or Larry Craig.
Or (Insert conservative-values politician's name here).

**As I 140-characterized it: "Is giving $$ to faith-based initiatives with no proof of God more or less offensive than tax dollars for a group that talks to faux pimps?"

15 September 2009

Been wondering why I haven't brought Kade up a while?

Oh, that's easy: Because I'm so entirely sick of him, whether fictional or delusional. Case in point: In just five seconds today, I saw this:
The amazing story of Arthur Kade, will always be told almost like folk lore because it’s the story of a guy that was born with all the physical tools to be the best, but was out in a jungle where he had to figure out how to survive “The Hustle”, and it was in that fire that I became the warrior I am today.

Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.
As it.
Ever was.

I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast...

... but aside from being intercontinental when I eat french toast, when I was up at Broad and Glenwood interviewing Joe Frazier for a Metro column in mid-August, I did show him a photo of Ray Emery's helmet that the team's go-to guy, Zack Hill, emailed me. Awesome that they met yesterday. Here's's video:

Watch this and tell me who's the craziest teabagger...

For my money, the loopy grandmama from 5:13-5:29 is tough to beat. But then, the Hitler guys hits the screen and I have to rethink the world in which we live yet again.
(H/T Parappa.)

Tomorrow's Metro Column (and a promise*)

... is about what these two dudes did.

*There are multiple episodes of Divorce Court taped downstairs so I will get to them, at the latest, by tomorrow night for your persuing pleasure.

Five Things (Three of which involve race, one about insanity and the other: Shakira)

1. I totally told the Bride a couple weeks back that white folk of all shades would be in a tizzy when Patrick Swayze died. They are, and for good reason. Righteous dude.

2. I totally told the Conservatives on Twitter last night that, "Hey 9/12ers, wanna know why I call Tom Brady 'White Jesus'? Because real Jesus was black. How ya like him now?" After which, Brady turned water (a double-digit deficit) into wine (a Pats -- and Hickey fantasy team -- victory).

3. I'm not sure what was more compelling: Hearing a black guy walking on my block talking about how the neighborhood's racist because few send their children to the public school down the end of the block yesterday, or reading about how white folks is so paranoid that few let their kids even walk to school these days. (Mehopes it's not a fear of encountering black folk.)

4. And I quote Levi Johnston, "There wasn’t much parenting in that house. Sarah doesn’t cook, Todd doesn’t cook—the kids would do it all themselves: cook, clean, do the laundry, and get ready for school." Yikes!

5. You're welcome.

14 September 2009

If it wasn't for Patrick Swayze (aka Bodhi) ...

... I never would have jumped out of a plane. But I did. Because watching the skydiving scene in Point Break till 5 a.m. convinced me that if it was good enough for Swayze, it was good enough for me.

Lo Siento

Yo yo, y'all. Sorry I didn't get to most much lately. I'm in the process of not only writing some stories that I was working on pre-near-death, but I'm ironing out the new website which'll be up in a matter of weeks (Bookmark now and maybe you'll get a kewpie doll). In any event, I'll get some stuff up here in the coming days. Just not, like, five posts a day or anything till I hit multiple deadlines.

13 September 2009

Weekend Reading Roundup (Monsignor Edition)

Admit it: At one time or another (or more) you've asked yourself, "Why is Hickey so goofy-brained?" Well, I'll tell you: From the age of 4 till about 12, what I saw when I looked out my bedroom window was Holy Saviour Church. And having the Lord looking over you 24/7 will make a lad loopy. Just look at all these religious folks today.
But I digress.
The reason I mention this is seven-fold:
1) I was a Holy Savior altar boy
2) that has no ill memory of said service
3) but always wanted to get the noon mass during football season
4) because Msgr. McDade
5) God rest his soul
6) would Homily-ize so friggin' quick
7) that congregants were back in their easy chairs in time for the 12:30 p.m. pre-game show.
All of which is to explain why I'm going all McDade-style with the stories I've read so far today. There may be a Second Reading, of course, so check back. Tomorrow.

-- RIP, Fred Sherrrrrman.
-- A follow-up RIP, Tony Thornton.
-- The Road, why do thou forsake me with an additional month of waiting to see ye.
-- Krakauer's book on Tillman? A mixed-bag, sayeth the review.
-- All praise unto Bill Clinton at 63. (Side note: Esquire named Ed Rendell one of its "75 Best People in the World" in the same issue "because he proves that not every macher need be a pig or a prick." Not a pig? Paging Lisa DePaulo for comment.)
-- We got spirit. Yeah. We got spirit. Yeah. We got what, what, what, what, a whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat. That's right, bitches, Haddon Township High's 17 on Philly Mag's Top 50 Public High Schools. You hear that, Heights (38)? You hear that, Collingswood (47)?
-- And, in Church news, Stephen Colbert was photographed in Rolling Stone walking his pet bald eagle. Let us give thanks to the Lord, our God. It is right to give Him thanks and praise:

12 September 2009

Meet your next top model, America

What's better than peanut butter and chocolate?

Let's see: I like My Little Pony. I like Rammstein. But, will I like My Little Pony set to Rammstein? No. I'll love it. (H/T Parappa, aka mission2denmark.)

Sad News

My dad called last night with news that Tony Thornton, aka "The Punching Postman," had died. Tony worked with my dad, uncles, cousins in Bellmawr but was better known to me as the postal carrier who started each day at an unGodly hour to train for his upcoming fights, including one against Roy Jones Jr. Wrote about him for my college paper way back when. The Jones fight went as fights against Jones went in his heyday but still, what an accomplishment to work a full-time gig and then train to end up with a title shot. On top of it all, he was a great guy.
Details are sketchy. More when I know it.
RIP, Punching Postman. You'll be missed.

Update: Inky has an obit today. So does

11 September 2009

Just Because...

You're welcome.

10 September 2009

Presented without comment

Rachael Jankins initially told Upper Darby police that she was searching for her iPod last month when she veered off Lans-downe Avenue and onto the sidewalk, killing a Clifton Heights teenager and seriously injuring her friend.

But the presence of difluoroethane in her blood and the discovery of a can of the computer-cleaning spray Dust-Off in her Hyundai Accent may tell a different story about the Aug. 14 crash outside Delaware County Memorial Hospital.

Upper Darby police Superintendent Michael Chitwood Sr. said yesterday that the toxicology results show that Jankins, 20, of Haverford, was huffing the compressed air and was "under the impairing and psychoactive effects" of the inhalant at the time of the accident.

"We believe that at some point in time before the accident she took the can of Dust-Off and sprayed it in her mouth to get the effect of a high," Chitwood said. "We have now gone from a horrible accident to a criminal investigation."

Five Interesting Stories

1. Some weed grows in Millville. Publicly.

2. An alleged mobster allegedly spat upon a cop.

3. I don't know how this escaped my notice in July, but another fine citizen blames me for getting run over in the comments about a fine Camden County College professor who did the same. Nice!

4. Selena Roberts' column about the recoil that a hero kid experienced post-saving-lives is compelling.

5. And, you know how I mentioned that South Carolina is "a nice part of America with many, many nice people but a few not-so-nice folks who torched African-American churches" in my Metro column that ran in Philly yesterday, and Boston today (thanks Josh!)? Well yeah, um, I'm not saying that Rep. Joe Wilson is an arsonist. I'm just asking questions. Questions that include, "Does immature douchebaggery lead to arson?"


I was fortunate enough to live when I got hit by a presumably-drunk-driver, but L.A. Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart wasn't as lucky (as my since-college friend Jeff Pearlman pointed out in an April column.) I mention this today because in this week's Sports Illstrated, there's a great, great story about Jon Wilhite, who was the lone survivor in the Adenhart car, and his fight for recovery from what was deemed "internal decapitation."
I'd recommend setting aside a half-hour to read it, but I'll excerpt it here anyway. It really struck a nerve.

Wilhite could not remember anything about the evening of April 9. He could not remember going to the Angels' game and watching Adenhart pitch six scoreless innings, or hopping into Stewart's silver Mitsubishi Eclipse afterward and heading to a country bar in Fullerton, or being blindsided less than 50 yards from the bar by an allegedly drunk driver named Andrew Gallo, who ran a red light in his minivan and was later arrested after fleeing the scene. (Gallo is awaiting trial on Nov. 9 for three counts of second-degree murder.)

And he certainly could not remember being extricated through the car's blown-out back window by firefighters who were meticulous about stabilizing his neck and careful not to jostle him as they placed him gently onto a backboard.
A week after the surgery Wilhite was fidgeting in his bed and speaking in complete sentences. Mostly he made jokes at his own expense—about his "gross beard" or his "head falling off"—to ease the tension with his many visitors. But he also asked his parents what exactly had happened to him on April 9 and what had happened to the others in the car.

His parents told him the truth, that everyone else in the car had been killed, but Wilhite's pain medication was so strong that the reality did not completely register. In fact, Wilhite was so disoriented that he kept insisting to friends and family that he was in Texas, even though Wilhite had a clear view of Angel Stadium through his window.

It was not until Wilhite watched an Angels game in late April on television in his hospital room and saw the players wearing black patches on their chests embroidered with number 34 that he realized what had occurred. "That's Nick's number," Wilhite told himself. "Nick died in the crash."

09 September 2009

PSA: I was wrong to drown dogs

And that's one to grow on.
And here's one to question: Why do links to AI videos come up at the end? Does You Tube really association Vick with Iverson? If so, why? No, really, why?

Presumably, of the Closet. Hopefully, of Our Lives.

No, you didn't imagine, at 2:11, that you heard, "that's how I do things Kade-style. Tough guy broom up the ass."
(R/T Miss Bee)

Wyoming is for Dick Lovers

CHEYENNE, Wyo. (Sept. 8) — A decision by the University of Wyoming to name a new center for international students for former Vice President Dick Cheney is drawing criticism from people who say Cheney's support for the Iraq war and harsh interrogation techniques should disqualify him from the distinction.

C'mon people. Dick deserves your love. After all, without His guidance, how would have the world learned to hatef*ck America?

And it's already gone...

For the record, my 09:09:09 a.m. on 09/09/09 was spent listening to the Ying Yang Twins while on break from Wii Gold's Gym Cardio Workout. Yours?


Not sure what happened, or if the pic's too blurry to even discern it, but when Bride and I were driving toward Fairmount along 32nd St. at Girard last night, looked like a schoolbus got to burning on the first day of school. Look at the front right wheel well and up.


I needn't consult a gypsy horoscope to know this day's going to turn out great. Lucky number's nine. In about an hour and a half, the nine planets (ignore that whole Pluto hubbub) will all align for me, in a majestic formation, to celebrate 09:09:09 a.m. on 09/09/09. A chronological masterpiece that repeats itself again this evening.
So until then, check out today's Metro column in its entirety and some Danzitions, in all their glory ...

... and, by a single request, just checking in on a former novelty act/Princess in all its inglory ...

08 September 2009

Tomorrow's Metro Column, Tonight

Nope, not gonna link to it quite yet, just whet your appetite with a tease ...
That [presidential-speech-to-kiddies] brouhaha became an Uncivil Cold War pitting people who want children to “set your own goals for your education and do everything you can to meet them” versus those governed blindly by conservatism, religion, racism, waning political relevance or greed. That lunatic fringe would mount a counterattack if Obama proposed a “Free Ponies for Little Girls” Bill.

The link'll be up tomorrow. But you know what won't be? Brad Lidge, in the bullpen.
Lest ye criticize, remember: Brad threw the Series-winning pitch last year. Without him, Philly's still in a drought.
That's all.

Shark in the Sky!!!!

Jammed up writing a column so, for now, you'll have to make do with this shot from the epic film Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. (SPOILER ALERT: They both lose in the end.)

06 September 2009

Two Questions from SI's QB Forum

1. Does Ben Roethlisberger prefer the company of men?
KING: What's the one job you'd like to have if you weren't an NFL quarterback?
ROETHLISBERGER: A relief pitcher, like Mariano Rivera, coming in every once in a while, making lots of money; or a fighter pilot, like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

(I know Mav was blessed with motorcycling ability beyond yours, so there's no need to try so hard not to show it, Ben-neeeeey.)

2. Could Carson Palmer be right?
KING: What do you say about the criticism that the league is too protective of quarterbacks?
PALMER: The truth of the matter is, somebody is going to die in the NFL. It's going to happen. Guys are getting so big, so fast, so explosive. The game's so violent. I hope it's not anyone at this table, and I hope it doesn't happen, obviously.

Much, much more here.

Weekend Reading Roundup (Paranoia Will/Will Not Destroy Ya Edition)

1. PECO is spying on everybody to help in the fight against grow-houses.

2. The rural, slack-jawed yokels want Philadelphia to devolve into a Thunderdome-esque reality with Anna Verna assuming the role of Aunty Entity and Frankie DiCicco as Jedediah the Pilot. (Some folk'll never eat a skunk, so they'll just forcefeed 'em through their chest hole.)

3. Hospitals will kill you if the flood waters rise. Which sucks, 'cause in Philly, there are a lot of hospitals near the Delaware and Schuylkill.

4. Studios wanted to kill the Wild Things (but Spike Jonze did it for Johnny as nothing gold shall stay.)

And 5. There are some people out there who stab babies in the head. Seriously.

The moral of these stories?
Two men enter.
One man leaves.
Repeat. Para eternidad.

05 September 2009

Free Orenthal

F'in A, y'all. I mean, I know the O.J. nearly (allegedly) decapitated two people in LA a while back, and got all mixed up in an armed Vegas robbery. But ask yourselves this: Who hasn't? That's right, let ye free of sin cast stones. And when your arm's tired, ask yourself this: Did cnnsi really need to, when reporting that the O.J. wasn't set free -- as is etiquettely proper to occur when you love someone, sayeth Sting himself -- run this photograph from December?

I mean, my God, they made him look like the type of person who'd (allegedly) decapitate folk in Brentwood and armed-rob people in Vegas.

I'm not saying Murdoch had Glenn Beck cloned at Gitmo ...

(R/T Attilia.)

03 September 2009

The Downside of Blogging...

... is approving a comment, like I did moments ago, that says, "Ooh tell me you haven't written about the snuggie designer series yet" and not knowing 1) what post it was commenting upon and 2) what the snuggie designer series is.
So, G (I think it was), no, I haven't written about it yet. But by all means, tell me what it is and why I should!
Is this of what you type? ...

If so, zebra designer print is out-and-out Pimp, particularly when Gumb's pet Precious is sitting upon it (see 00:49).

It's a new dawn, day, life for D.H., and he's feelin' good

The only insight I have into that whole America's Got Talent thing -- aside from believing it doesn't -- is from The Soup. But I woke up today to word that Hoff performed the other night. Yeah.
With no further ado ...

Speaking of the Hoff, there's another Divorce Court update over at. And they're feelin' good.

02 September 2009

Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!

I needn't add anything to what Ronnie Polaneczky wrote for you to understand why I'm so very, very giddy ...
WHEN VINCE FUMO was told that he'd serve his eye-blink of a sentence in a federal lockup in Ashland, Ky., his legal flacks whined that its 525-mile distance from Philly would create a travel hardship for his friends and family.
They also complained that Ashland lacked drug-and-alcohol-treatment programs, services that Fumo requires because - who knew? - our lying, greedy, justice-obstructing ex-senator is also a pill-popping booze hound.
Me, I'm wondering if Fumo's front men omitted an even more compelling reason he wouldn't want to bed down at Ashland:
Milton Street is there.

Well, other than a link to my Ode to Pre-Prison Milton Street.
And a photo from Rego ...

This week's Metro column ...

... can be found here.
With a Mr. T-worthy rope of chains in his right hand and a fan of cold-hard twenties in the left, Joe the Jeweler had me at “You got the gold. I got the cash.”

Beck Power!

Oh, the re-misery that's going to envelop him when he has to stand up and say, "Hi, my name is Glenn Beck, and I'm an exploit-the-stupidaholic. Please, Jebus, send me a bailout. I'm still a dirtbag.

First, a few more from the Glenn Beck tweet collection ...
I believe Glenn Beck can fly, I believe Glenn Beck can touch the sky, I think about Him every night and day, spread His wings and fly away.

What Glenn Beck is facing is worse than the Ethiopian famine. We must rise up and protect Him. Let the Word of Beck reach every ear! Beck!

I summon the Kraken to challenge anybody who wants to make affordable healthcare available for everybody to a duel. KRAKEN WINS! Beck Power!

I'm not saying Glenn Beck has a crush on Brian Boitano. I'm just asking questions. The first question: How does Beck hide his yearning?

They say nobody can swim all the way around the world, but I'll bet Glenn Beck can. Never before has there been such an inspirational being.

I'm not saying that Glenn Beck's diet consists of llama placenta, pan-seared tarantula legs and infant bonemarrow. I'm just asking questions.

(You can see more for yourself, if you're a glutton for viewing addiction from afar here.)

Second, with a hat tip to PhillyGrrl for steering me in the Gawker direction, a take on Why the World is Better for the Sending In of the Glenn Beck Clown. It shouldn't come as a surprise that I whole heartedly agree. After all, Glenn Beck is my morning, noon and night.

01 September 2009

UPDATED AS PER COMMENTER'S POINT God help bin Laden if Erin Andrews [OPRAH] finds him

Maybe it's just me, but is there a better way for America to memorialize the day thousands lost their lives than this?
CHICAGO - ESPN reporter Erin Andrews said in an interview with Oprah Winfrey that having secretly videotaped nude footage of her distributed on the Internet was a "nightmare."
Winfrey's interview with Andrews will air Friday, Sept. 11, as part of a "Summer Headlines" show that previews the 24th season of "The Oprah Winfrey Show." Andrews also tells Winfrey she "opened up the computer (and) could feel my heart pounding."

A nightmare indeed, Erin.
For those mourning loved ones on the anniversary of their death.

Remember that graffiti guy I wrote about a few weeks back?

Yeah, well, Steve Powers got some love from the the Wall Street Journal today.
"I saw this as an opportunity to reclaim the space on these rooftops and reexamine graffiti," said Mr. Powers, who grew up in West Philadelphia but now lives in New York.

I couldn't be happier for him, and for the neighborhood.

Pop Quiz 2, Hotshot

Is it wrong to say, "I hope every self-respecting deviant on the face of the earth gathers in Phoenix to run a train on Steven Anderson's mouth, nose, ears, eyesockets and, last but not least, ass"?
It is? Well, I take it back then, begrudgingly, because of this.
A Phoenix-area pastor has started to draw protesters to his congregation after he delivered a sermon titled, "Why I Hate Barack Obama," and told his parishioners that he prays for President Obama's death.
Pastor Steven Anderson stood by his sermon in an interview with MyFOXPhoenix, which reports that the pastor continues to encourage his parishioners to join him in praying for the president's death.
"I hope that God strikes Barack Obama with brain cancer so he can die like Ted Kennedy and I hope it happens today," he told MyFOXPhoenix on Sunday. He called his message "spiritual warfare" and said he does not condone killing.

On the bright side, there's one less place in Hell that needs fillin'.
(H/T Phawker.)

Pop quiz, hotshot...

What do these two (well, three) dudes have in common?

They're both in my Metro column tomorrow. So check it out, yo.

Two Songs and One Whole Album I Downloaded Recently (Misters Robinson Edition)

You know those insightful pop quizzes that eventually always turn to "What 10 Records would most want when you're stranded on a desert island" or something like that?
Yeah, me too.
And I always go with "Water, Panzarottis, Jenny McCarthy (circa 1991), Topanga, Jager, Charlie Dawg, Miller Lite, BBQ Grill, Ample BBQ Food and magic plants."
But they're not albums.
And I don't have time to think of 10 records. (Though a Prince/Morris Day mixtape would be among them.) But when I do consider the topic, I try to narrow it down to one. It always ends up being The Southern Harmony and Musical Companion. Always. Can't really put into words why other than these "It's just my favorite album from one of my favorite 'Sit on the deck in Sea Isle' bands."
All of which is to explain why I purchased, well, downloaded, their new "Before the Frost ... Until the Freeze" this morning. All I can say after listening to it once is this: It captures a lot of the same "Ahh" vibe that SHMC did, but is substantially funkier. You hear the Crowes, you hear George Harrison's India trips, you hear the Dead, and you hear two bros who really don't get along but when they get together, they make some damn fine tunes. I've only listened to it all the way through once.
But if you're going to talk single tracks, I'm totally digging mostly-instrumental "Aimless Peacock" and the mostly-Chris "I Ain't Hiding." Either could be from the 60s or 70s or 80s or 90s or 00s which, now that I type it, is probably what draws me to the Crowes in the first place.

As for the two other songs, well, hell, if you say "White Horse" ain't a classic, yer wrong.

And if you say it's borderline bisexual for me to be fixated on the peppy "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, you'll get forkstabbed.
Even if you're probably right.

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