Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

29 July 2009

But a hit-and-run coward is caught...

Oh man, how do I be delicate with this one? Well, I don't because even if the driver is a 75-year-old chick, she's the scourge of the earth for running a kid over and hiding. Sorry, Suzanne Lammers of Villanova, not even the hoity-toity lawyer you buy in order to spin the I-thought-it-was-a-deer angle will not be able to convince me to stop saying you deserve jail time if the allegations become court-proven fact. Deer can't ride bikes.
Old age isn't a defense for stupidity and/or a sense of entitlement that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. From KYW 1060:
The woman police say was involved in a hit-and-run in Bryn Mawr that sent a teenage boy to the hospital this month has been located.
Authorities say anonymous tipsters led them to Suzanne Lammers of Villanova -- and her vehicle, which matched the description of the car that hit the 13-year-old. He'd been riding his bike at the intersection of New Gulph Road and Morris Avenue when he was struck.

If I can speak to Mrs. Lammers, inmate #AARP: You (allegedly) mowed a 13-year-old down but the three-quarters of a century you've been on earth didn't instill even a modicum of dignity to make you stop and see if he was ok.
Shame on you.
Shame on your family.
And mad, mad props to the tipsters!


Anonymous ChihuahuaMom said...

Some choice bits from the report:

""Initially she said she had not been watching the news coverage lately," said McGrath."

Not watching the news. Not reading the paper. Not talking to her neighbors. Possible. Seems odd and a little suspect, but possible, maybe. I guess.

"Police say they found [the car] in this garage belonging to a home in the 1600 block of Hepburn Drive, a secluded out of the way nook off a main road. "We have information it has not been used since the day of the incident, but the investigation is not complete at this point," McGrath said."

Not watching the news. Putting your massively damaged car in a secluded garage and leaving it there undisturbed for several weeks- as opposed to, say, bringing it into the repair shop. Because if you really thought you had hit a deer, why wouldn't you just go ahead with the repairs? Did she not have the cash to fix it? Doubt that. So why - if you thought it was a deer - would you wait? Um, 'kay. Suspiction builds.

"Neighbors say the owner was not at home when police found the car in her garage. They say they recently saw Lammers using a truck parked in front of the house to get around."

Right. Sounds totally normal for a well-to-do Main Line matron to drive a truck she probably keeps on the property for heavy duty work/gardening/etc. instead of just fixing her very comfy Volvo. That she thinks just hit a deer. The "Ladies Who Lunch" set certain wouldn't look twice at one of their own driving a truck, would they?

OR.... she knew she didn't hit a deer (so much more likely), she saw the news/talked with neighbors/read the paper, she put the Volvo away until she could plausibly bring it to the repair shop to be fixed months from now, and decided that she would never step up like a human with a soul and a conscience and accept responsibility for her actions.

It's nauseating. And I am afraid she'll get "lawyered up" with some pricey attorneys and get off easy, which is even more sickening. I hope the child's family pushes hard for justice in this case.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Never thought I'd morally be able to say this, but having 75 year old punching bag feels good.
Maybe she didn't see the news, which is entirely logical, but if she's non-senile enough to still have a license, she knows that deer don't ride bikes into windshields, so she hid the car. Well, maybe there are some special trained deer, but not in these parts. In fact, are there even deer on the Main Line mid-afternoon this time of year.
The long and the short of it: she'll get a fancy lawyer, keep her license and probably go all Tabas-Tepper on the family saying the kid shouldn't have been in front of her car.
Your intepretation of the story is spot-on, though. And the saddest part, besides a kid and family put through a hellish ringer: She won't get anything but a fine, and it'll be small enough for her to replace any china she'd broken because of what thos damn kids did to her windshield.

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Three quarters of a century line, spot on, couldn't agree more. WTF is wrong with people???

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone they interviewed on 6 ABC actually said the following "These things aren't suppose to happen on the RICH MAIN LINE , it's ok for the LITTLE PEOPLE IN PHILADELPHIA" Just to let everyone know that this woman is far from poor, the home she lives in is an over 5000 sq ft estate and she owns 3 estates on the block....1611, 1615, 1618 all on Hepburn Drive. She is nothing more then a COLD HEARTED WITCH and she should do jail time and pay for this child. I don't want to hear that the poor fragile 75 year old woman didn't know what she did, she stopped and looked in her mirror and then took off because she seen what she did. She then lowered her standards and starting driving an old beat up pickup truck that looks like it might have been sitting on the property for a while, how did she pass that off to her snotty Main line friends ? For God Sake she went from a Volvo to an old pickup truck and no one thought that was strange ? I also heard that someone..possibly her husband made a statement that " the child belonged on the beach...not in the street. Well Main Liners...NEWS FLASH I know it's hard to believe but unless you're born with a SILVER SPOON in your mouth you have to " WORK " during the week and sitting on the beach with your children all summer isn't always an option. Now since Mrs. Lammers is so financially blessed to own 3 really nice properties on Hepburn Road...this child might receive enough of your money that next summer and many summers to come he will be able to sit on the beach. Just imagine if you would have stopped how much you could have avoided losing. I hope that after this child's lawyers are done with Mrs. Lammers she is placed in jail and her entire estate goes to this child and if she has children of her own they'll have to look somewhere else for their free ride that they would have received when mommy kicked the bucket. People like this woman makes me SICK. I'm very curious to know if she does have children because that just makes this even worse that a mother would do this. Someone else also made a good point, is it possible that she has a daughter or granddaughter that was driving and she is taking the blame thinking she'll get off because of her age? It doesn't make me feel any better because she still knew about it but it was an interesting point because of the original description.

7:15 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

I'd like to be able to say that any of that surprises me, but I could have scripted those reactions myself. Such a shallow, self-consumed arrogant breed of people that thinks money is the cure for everything that ails them.
Well, all the money in the world aint gonna do a thing to ease the kid's pain, or save the Lammers family from getting dragged by their eyes through the gates of hell, if there's any truth to assumptions that most certainly seem plausible if not the gospel truth.

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Brian Hickey-

Did you ever think that this horrible woman is probably a sociopath? There's no reason to drag her family into what she has done. I imagine they feel awful for the kid and not too surprised by her behavior. Just sayin'.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

You're right, anonymous. I'm sure her family didn't think it was odd that the Volvo had a head-shaped hole clear through the windshield and granny had taken to driving around in a beat-up pickup truck. Just sayin'.

2:38 PM  
Blogger mauh said...

Yeh, it sounds like the family is a real bunch of model citizens. Nobody wonders why mom is hiding her car in the garage for three weeks and is driving some old pile of crap around?? This is also the point to mention the fab quote from the husband on Fox News "the kid is playing on the beach for God's sake," downplaying the entire incident. I (along with a shitload of other people around here) believe it was the daughter driving the car and not granny.

10:08 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

I wouldn't bet against it, mauh. This is seemingly a morally upstanding pack of entitlementbags. Absolutely LOVE the mugshot, too. Hopefully, if she is covering up for her lil princess, they'll take another one for the hindering-an-investigation charge.

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you people are such blinders-on idiots. this is a 75 year old woman - living in Villanova... she probably has multiple cars - she probably doesnt watch the news - shes SEVENTY FIVE - she probably didn't give a crap about her car and was just scared about having been hit. has anyone looked at the police report and seen whether she hit him from the front or if he was moving into the intersection and hit her???? she probably thought that she did hit a deer (read the police report - the bike ran a red and HIT HER) - she probably panicked at the thought of having her car run into - ever get in an accident and feel the sensation of PANIC? she probably had absolutely no clue that she put a kid in the hospital. yet - everyone just wants to be a basher this is the FOXNEWS generation - bash away without any idea what the hell you are saying - this country has turned into bash central - this country is based on INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY... should she have stopped and checked? yes. did she think that SHE was hit by a deer? yes. what year is the volvo? i know of many sht volvos riding around in the ghetto let alone villanova. what are the miles on that volvo? how many cars does she own? which does she drive most often? what was her insurance and would it make sense to even take the volvo to the repair shop? SHE'S SEVENTY FIVE! she's not 45! she's SEVENTY FIVE! did she drive home and then drive another car because she has another car? you people listen to and read the news and DONT THINK - and you have got to start THINKING FOR YOURSELVES without the influence of the damn news telling you what to think!!! this is a SEVENTY FIVE YEAR OLD WOMAN who likely had no clue what had happened, drove home, was scared, and drove another car because she was dead scared about hitting a deer. why is this country so FOX NEWS and so ready to bash away without hearing any of the facts and without having any empathy? when did this happen in the USA? when? DISGUSTING

11:34 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

And how are you related to the HIT AND RUN PRINCESS, moron?
Blame the kid, huh? The only thing she didn't give a shit about was his well-being. Save your holier-than-thou rants for grammy's sentencing.

11:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is exactly how drunk drivers behave when they hit something. And I daresay her mugshot makes it appear she has a bit of a gin tan.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

she's a stuck -up, entitled, self-important witch who lives on the income from the rentals of her properties who thinks she's better than everyone else. I know her and know for a fact that she has cheated hard-working painters out of what was owed them and portends to be a well educated elitist. This doesn't surprise me at all. and no doubt she did it, on the way home from cocktails and lunch at the club.I hope she speds the rest of her days in jail

11:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The emotion that commenters express here is amazing. It seems that people love to attack someone who has money.

I have a passing acquaintence with MS Lammers, and always found her to be very nice. She is educated, charming, and loves to spend her day with her dogs or horse. She actually does not watch TV. I will grant you that I suspect after the accident she probably DID watch the TV for the first time in years, only to have her fears confirmed.

My guess - She knew she hit "something", when she turned around and realized it was a kid, and saw other people there, she panicked, ran home and hid the car. She lives basically alone, so nobody noticed. She keeps an old pickup truck for towing her horsetrailer, and drove that. People are not unaccustomed to seeing her drive it.

She probably spent the next days in panic and fear wondering what to do, and I seriously doubt she telephoned her family/friends to tell them what had happened.

Model behaviour? Certainly not. Worthy of "beheading"? Also certainly not.

Some people should remember what Jesus said about "casting the first stone".

11:53 AM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Attack people with money? Au contraire, anonymous. We're attacking someone who thinks she's above the law and decided a child's life should be discounted.
Do you really think she's going to get sympathy from someone who suffered the same fate as the kid she mauled?

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whats the update here?

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you read this! Good lord.

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this Suzanne Kaiser Lammers ,of the Kaiser fortune ? If it is she apparently never outgrew her sense of entitlement from birth. The boy's family should sue her......

6:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am pretty sure I was at her daughter's debutant ball and she was absolutely lovely in the receiving line!

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lovely, charming, what secrets lie within the Kaiser family. Didn't E. Suzanne Lammars have another niece not mentioned in her mother's obituary? Do you research young man....the Kaiser fortune, I think you mean the Kaiser curse.

1:36 PM  

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