Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

09 June 2009

Good Gnus

Here's how I started my June 2006 column about Maria Pandolfi's Rat Chick Rat Rescue:
The first thing I did after I got home from Maria Pandolfi's was take a Silkwood shower. Had there been a Brillo pad nearby, I'd have scrubbed till I struck bone.
For about an hour, the elementary school art teacher and I had been chitchatting in her South Philly living room. It was a nice place. And Pandolfi was as polite, and hygienic, as could be. It wasn't her aura, or the condition of her row house, that had me fiending for a new, unsullied layer of skin.
Rather, it was seven of her pets, two of which ironically shared names with my first girlfriend and the last gal I dated before I met the bride.
You see, they were rats. (Not the exes, the pets.)
And I absolutely loathe rats. (In comparison, Indiana Jones seems like a charter member of the Asp of the Month Club.)

Veddie nice, right? Right. But not as nice as Clint Eastwood who -- as per Dan Gross -- gave $500 to RCRC. Must have made her day. Get it?? Because that was a line from, oh, forget it.
Bonus coverage:
One time, in the fourth grade, I stapled my second and middle fingers together. I wasn't that sharp that day. Well, apparently, a Swenson Arts and Technology High School teacher wasn't all that sharp on Friday, considering the (alleged) decision to throw a stapler at a student, thus costing four stitches and, possibly, a job.
I dig the district's response, though:
"It was reported to the school that a teacher allegedly threw a stapler at a student in a classroom. The stapler bounced off the wall and hit the student on the forehead."

So, it's basically like an office-supply Escher is what they're saying.
Awesome. Just awesome.


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