Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at www.twitter.com/brianhickey Flickr at http://www.flickr.com/people/brianhickey/. Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court: divorcecourting.blogspot.com.

17 June 2009

He must have left "It's Raining Men" off, just because

I wanted to go a full day without even mentioning the word Kade.
I wanted to write my Real Housewives of NJ post for nj.com, exercise, chuck the tennis ball to Chuck Dawg out in the alley and settle into the recliner with "The Road" in hand and the Cubs/White Sox on TV.
I did all that, too.
But then I peeked at Facebook and saw that Artie had updated his blog. And then I looked at the blog.
And then I wanted to climb City Hall with a Remington 780 and start taking people out.

One of my many passions, and something that I have an amazing knowledge of is music. Anybody who knows me, knows that I am always dancing and moving, and even when I am at the gym, I dance around to get my self hype, and create workouts that no one else can keep up with.

Cocaine's a hell of a drug.



I was stopped by the music editor of Philadelphia Weekly (One of the most well known, influential, and largest publications in this city), Brian Mcmanus(Who if you read the article he was so excited to meet me he almost came in his pants), who asked if I could do something to contribute to his column or paper with my growing international popularity. I told him to email me a proposal, and I would have “My People” look at it, and decide whether or not it made sense for the expansion of the Kade Brand.

Misplaced arrogance chopped up with a credit card onto a mirror is a hell of a drug. (But it makes the Weekly bigger in said user's eyes.)



Well, today he emailed the article that he had written describing our encounter, and asked if I wanted to do a contribution to the paper in rating or talking about new music.

Shame on you. I refuse to read it.
I have always been told my taste in music is ultra sophisticated and unique, and I think it might be interesting to share with the world what I think about certain shows, songs, or acts, and maybe even become something like Oprah’s Book Club.

Oh yeah, people want to know what ultra-sophisticated shit Artie Fucking Light Stick Kade listens to. Hit us with it.

1) Kanye West-Flashing Lights
2) Michael Jackson-Bad
3) Dave Matthews Band-Ants Marching
4) Frou Frou-Let Go
5) Madonna-Vogue
6) Jay Z-Can’t Knock The Hustle
7) Kanye West-Touch The Sky
8) Madonna-Deeper and Deeper
9) Peter Gabriel-Solesbury Hill
10) Notorious BIG: Juicy
11) Bon Jovi–You Give Love A Bad Name
12) Rolling Stones-Start Me UP
13) Jennifer Lopez-Let’s Get Loud
14) Craig David-Insomnia
15) Britney Spears-Womanizer

Oh wow. That explains a lot. And I mean A LOT. So, fine, I read the story he referenced in the lag between Madonna, J Lo and Brit-Brit. How do I put this gently:
HE CALLED YOU THE MOST LOATHED CHEESEBALL ON THE INTERNET IN THE FIRST SENTENCE. IN THE FIRST SURROGATE-STEPMOTHER-FUCKING SENTENCE ARTHUR.
IF YOU'RE A REAL PERSON, AND I'M NOT CONVINCED YOU ARE, YOU NEED EIGHT MORE YEARS OF PSYCHOTHERAPY. IN-PATIENT, ARTHUR. YOU ARE NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND ANY LONGER. YOU ARE DELUSIONAL. YOU HAVE NO TALENT. AND YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC? YOU DON'T DESERVE EARS.
Please go away.
Please stop updating your website.
I'm begging you.
You make me want to cut myself, Arthur. Seriously. With a rusty blade, through the aorta.
*** Bonus coverage from the comments section: It seems Kade has even offended Australia.

10 Comments:

Anonymous ChihuahuaMom said...

Use everything in your power to keep this from happening. PW should give him NOTHING. Not one inch of space. Please... just please. This jack hole can't write himself out of paper bag. Or, should I say, this "Jack Hole" can't wrighte himself out of a Paper bag. "" (Just had to throw some gratuitous quotes in there.) It will crush any hope or dream I ever had that being a writer - someone who loves and works with the written word - is something to aspire to and strive for... please. For the love of G-d and all that is holy. Use your power. Use your influence.

4:43 PM  
Anonymous ChihuahuaMom said...

O.K. ... o.k. ... I get it. PW is kidding, right? Please? Tell me they are kidding. They're making fun of him. They ARE NOT GIVING THIS A*SHATT a column. Right... (*small, whisper of a voice*) right? (Curls into fetal position and begins to rock and mumble quietly.)

4:49 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

This has all given me a headache. I'm taking headache medicines and going back to the recliner. I can't think about any aspect of this anymore.

4:50 PM  
Blogger nathan said...

i hope pw puts him on the front page. i hope pw becomes an extension of his blog. i really truthfully hope he succeeds in "the journey".

i got bad news for everyone but we are all official kade addicts. dude is like heroin - you know how terrible and awful the shit is but you can't get enough. the crazy thing is, it doesn't even matter at this point whether he is real or not. he has become a poster boy for the narcissistic celebrity culture driven social network age. kades ramblings really say less about him, and more about our fascination with celebrity, which like or not, he has become. i mean really, in the span of 3 months this dude has come out of nowhere, posted some self serving blog entries, some bad acting videos and managed to get the attention of philebrity, gawker, pw, cbs news, and philly mag. the only reason any of this was possible was because of our desire to consume his nonsense and rage at its utter unselfawaredness. i think the guy is brilliant, whether he is intentionally eliciting this reaction or not. ive gone from hating to loving him. i hope you all can do the same.

5:47 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

All good points, Nathan, but you missed what draws me in: I just enjoy mocking the weak who don't realize they're weak, whether real or not. That brings me joy, not rage.

6:02 PM  
Blogger Leah Franqui said...

I for one am so grateful to him for his musical opinions. I keep hearing about these "Rolling Stone" guys, and now that I know Kade likes them I'm going to be all over that. I don't care if he gets famous or if he doesn't, because frankly, he gives us all something to feel better about, and that's that we aren't this deluded. If you think about it, he really is a giver.

6:43 PM  
Blogger nathan said...

totally agree with you brian, but the constant mocking, at least for me, doesn't seem to be worth it unless it elicits some sort of reaction from the target. some internet douches, like tucker max for instance, go nuts when challenged. so far kade has proven impressively impregnable. so if ignoring him isn't an option and mocking him hasn't worked - my question is, how does one really crack arthur kade?

7:03 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

I'm of the mind that his is a silent, building pain. He can mask it with delusion for only so long, writing off -- thanks to a pair of friends' support -- any negativity as haters of his success.
But even the Google guys run into failure sometimes. It's just that Artie is running into all 198 million varieties of it that surface in a google search.
One day, the reality will break through Kade's crazies, and crush him. If getting run over by a car taught me one thing, it's the patience necessary to see great things happen. And believe you me, it will be Tony the Tiger grrrrrrreeeeeaattt when Hollywood dreams don't come to fruition.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Spot-on, Leah.

7:19 PM  
Blogger KingSizeStar said...

can't believe one single person can be so arrogant n' ridiculous... i don't know... and all this confirmed by Australian blogger.
omg!

12:15 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

free html visitor counters
hit counter