He must have left "It's Raining Men" off, just because
I wanted to go a full day without even mentioning the word Kade.
I wanted to write my Real Housewives of NJ post for nj.com, exercise, chuck the tennis ball to Chuck Dawg out in the alley and settle into the recliner with "The Road" in hand and the Cubs/White Sox on TV.
I did all that, too.
But then I peeked at Facebook and saw that Artie had updated his blog. And then I looked at the blog.
And then I wanted to climb City Hall with a Remington 780 and start taking people out.
One of my many passions, and something that I have an amazing knowledge of is music. Anybody who knows me, knows that I am always dancing and moving, and even when I am at the gym, I dance around to get my self hype, and create workouts that no one else can keep up with.
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
I was stopped by the music editor of Philadelphia Weekly (One of the most well known, influential, and largest publications in this city), Brian Mcmanus(Who if you read the article he was so excited to meet me he almost came in his pants), who asked if I could do something to contribute to his column or paper with my growing international popularity. I told him to email me a proposal, and I would have “My People” look at it, and decide whether or not it made sense for the expansion of the Kade Brand.
Misplaced arrogance chopped up with a credit card onto a mirror is a hell of a drug. (But it makes the Weekly bigger in said user's eyes.)
Well, today he emailed the article that he had written describing our encounter, and asked if I wanted to do a contribution to the paper in rating or talking about new music.
Shame on you. I refuse to read it.
I have always been told my taste in music is ultra sophisticated and unique, and I think it might be interesting to share with the world what I think about certain shows, songs, or acts, and maybe even become something like Oprah’s Book Club.
Oh yeah, people want to know what ultra-sophisticated shit Artie Fucking Light Stick Kade listens to. Hit us with it.
1) Kanye West-Flashing Lights
2) Michael Jackson-Bad
3) Dave Matthews Band-Ants Marching
4) Frou Frou-Let Go
6) Jay Z-Can’t Knock The Hustle
7) Kanye West-Touch The Sky
8) Madonna-Deeper and Deeper
9) Peter Gabriel-Solesbury Hill
10) Notorious BIG: Juicy
11) Bon Jovi–You Give Love A Bad Name
12) Rolling Stones-Start Me UP
13) Jennifer Lopez-Let’s Get Loud
14) Craig David-Insomnia
15) Britney Spears-Womanizer
Oh wow. That explains a lot. And I mean A LOT. So, fine, I read the story he referenced in the lag between Madonna, J Lo and Brit-Brit. How do I put this gently:
HE CALLED YOU THE MOST LOATHED CHEESEBALL ON THE INTERNET IN THE FIRST SENTENCE. IN THE FIRST SURROGATE-STEPMOTHER-FUCKING SENTENCE ARTHUR.
IF YOU'RE A REAL PERSON, AND I'M NOT CONVINCED YOU ARE, YOU NEED EIGHT MORE YEARS OF PSYCHOTHERAPY. IN-PATIENT, ARTHUR. YOU ARE NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND ANY LONGER. YOU ARE DELUSIONAL. YOU HAVE NO TALENT. AND YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC? YOU DON'T DESERVE EARS.
Please go away.
Please stop updating your website.
I'm begging you.
You make me want to cut myself, Arthur. Seriously. With a rusty blade, through the aorta.
*** Bonus coverage from the comments section: It seems Kade has even offended Australia.