Weekend Reading Roundup, Ebony vs. Ivory vs. Other Edition (And I'm taking sides)
I think Robert Nesta Marley put it best when he said, "So much trouble in the world. Bless my eyes this morning. Jah sun is on the rise once again. The way earthly things are going. Anything can happen." Because, there's a lotta trouble out there right about now, and the anything that can -- and will -- happen is my passing judgement upon it. Here are just a few of the cases on the docket (and some misc. stuff that bears mentioning):
Serena Williams vs. Marina Jose Sanchez: Serena hits an Orca of a shot that hits Marina's right arm, sails across the net and lands on Serena's side for a point and game. Rule says if it hits your body, the point goes to your opponent. Courtesy says you admit this. Marina didn't. Said Serena, "I’m going to get you in the locker room for that; you don’t know me." Decision: Serena. Chick's badass, yo.
Disney's The Princess and the Frog vs. Black Voices website: The studio finally makes an African-American the focal point of a dreams-come-true plot. Critics pick it apart because her prince's skin-shade isn't quite black. Wrote Angela Bronner Helm on the site, "Disney obviously doesn’t think a black man is worthy of the title of prince. His hair and features are decidedly non-black. This has left many in the community shaking their head in befuddlement and even rage." Decision: Disney, for chipping away at stereotypes. So what if the African-American princess digs white dudes. 2009's all about togetherness, not stating the obvious that black guys are worthy of royalty. (Psst, one's the president.) And, they're responsible for The Little Mermaid, and Sebastian rocked, after all.
John Mayberry vs. The Inquirer: Mayberry hits a homer in his first game, at Yankee Stadium, no less. Inky columnist says even though the team needs righthanded power off the bench, Mayberry should return to the minors. Outfield's full. Decision: Inky columnist. Victorino, Werth and Ibanez are beyond good enough at this point and Mayberry needs more swings to professionalize himself.
U.S. Solicitor General vs. Philly law firm: Cozen O'Connor fighting a case for insurers and 9/11 victims that argues Saudi Arabia should pony up mad cash because it financed al-Qaeda, albeit unknowingly. Elena Kagan argued before the U.S. Supreme Court that we can't sue foreign governments except if they meet the exceptions that S. Arabia doesn't. Decision: Kagan. As much as it troubles me to say it, rules is rules.
Jon, Kate, Eight vs. Wernersville: Decision: Wernersville. Saudi Arabia should pay them mad cash for having to deal with that choppy-headed bitch who thinks she's better than everybody (even her brood) when she's better than nobody. Poor Jon and Eight. Poor, poor Jon and Eight.
-- Constantine Maroulis in the Times: Does he ever watch his old "Idol" performances? "I can't. I was so bad on that show."
-- Gene Forman in, and on the glory days of, the Inquirer: "...turbulent changes in technology and the economy are jeopardizing the future of good metropolitan newspapers like The Inquirer. That should be of grave concern to citizens who care about their community. Although I love newspapers and worked more than 40 years in newspaper journalism, this is not about nostalgia. How the news is delivered is less important than the quality of the news itself. It takes money - a lot of money - to finance a good news organization, whether the news is delivered in print, in broadcast, or online."
-- Todd "I'm Here for the Gangbang" Phillips on The Hangover in the Times: On this film Mr. Phillips learned he need not resort to gross-out jokes to prove his audacity. For example he recalled a shoot with Mr. Tyson (who plays himself in cameo, searching for his missing tiger), when he had to tell him that he wasn’t throwing a punch correctly for the camera. Mr. Phillips said: "Mike immediately goes, 'Oh, man, this is great. I'm getting taught to punch by the captain of the Jewish debating team.'"