Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at www.twitter.com/brianhickey Flickr at http://www.flickr.com/people/brianhickey/. Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court: divorcecourting.blogspot.com.

26 May 2009

The Greatest Story Ever Told

I hold, in my very hands, the June issue of Philadelphia Magazine. I insist you camp out at the nearest newsstand now until it arrives. It may be a couple days. That matters not. Read the rest of this, grab your woobie and go.
This is self-serving only in that a 3,000-word piece written by me, about me, starts on page 50. But don't you dare turn immediately to page 50. You'd only be wasting your time. Because, ok, deep breath ....
THERE IS A STORY ABOUT ARTHUR KADYSHES, AKA ARTHUR KADE, AKA THE GREATEST AMERICAN DOUCHEBAG AND HIS "JOURNEY."
No, seriously. Think about it: I was going to put a copy or two away for my kids to read, when I have kids, when they can read, anyway. But now, I'm going to fucking bronze it or laminate it or put it in a fucking strongbox to keep it forever and ever and ever. A couple excerpts, that I have to type in since it's not online yet:
"[Arthur's father] Leonard is, apparently, a full-fledged character in his own right; five years ago, according to court papers, a state committee found he had unfairly fired a salon colorist after repeatedly sexually harassing her, touching her breasts and rear, and telling her that he would perform an abortion on her himself if she ever became pregnant."

Yeah, he runs the Raya Coiffure Boutique in Haverford. And, he's a dirtbag. Seriously, a placenta-lapping douchebag.
Ok, ok, I haven't read past that point yet. I dropped everything and ran to the laptop because:
THAT IS SO FUCKING DISGUSTING YET SO EMBLEMATIC OF EVERYTHING KADE. I mean, that colorist had to be a 4 or a 5, tops, to get Kade's attention.
Other notes: Kade has adult acne. Kade is renting his condo out so he lives on "friends'" couches. Kade said his site gets hundreds of thousands of hits since Philebrity and Gawker and Jezebel started ripping him.
Well, it's time for me to go upstairs and scan the first page so I have a photo of this mess that will only end in tragedy -- or abortion threats. And you have to go buy Philadelphia Magazine. Fare thee well.
(Here it is!)

34 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you!!!!!

6:38 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

You are so very, very welcome. I read the piece three times now. It gets better each time.

6:39 PM  
Anonymous VegasGRRL said...

I was trying to read the scanned page, but the words are blurry. Oh well. I can't wait to see someone/something take Artie down!!!

6:42 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Yeah, sorry about that, VegasGRRL; my scanner isn't as high tech as, I assume, Kade's is. Seen you commenting on Kade's site. Brilliant stuff.

6:45 PM  
Blogger HughE Dillon said...

Maybe that is why ArthurKade stopped talking to his father for all those years. He only just started talking to him in the past 18 months or so.
- I look forward to reading the article about you Brian, you are really a very courageous and strong person(as is Angie)
-PhillyChitChat

6:48 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Gracias, HughE. But don't read it before the Kade piece.

6:50 PM  
Anonymous VegasGRRL said...

Artie couldn't afford a scanner....I'm sure he borrows one from his friends. Are they really his friends? I just don't buy everything that's going on with him.....

6:50 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Well, I'll say this much: I've been back and forth about the Kade-realism debate. But after reading this article in Philly Mag, there's no doubt about him being legit. He portrays every telltale sign of a guy who's gone through eight years of therapy.

6:53 PM  
Blogger AnastasiaBeaverhousen said...

I am sure Arthur will spin the article to read "I am featured in a major U.S. magazine where they focused on my amazing acting talents, incredible good looks and enormous shoulders".

You totally rock and I can't wait to read your article. After the Kadetasrophe, of course.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Oh, no doubt about it, Anastasia. There's wiggle room for Arthur, silver-able linings galore.
I insist you read about Arthur before me. (It'll make me look all the more sane.)

7:05 PM  
Blogger Pam C. said...

Hey Brian - I've been following this guy for a little while, not sure if he was for real or not. I am still unsure whether to be horrified, fascinated, or just laugh my ass off to discover he is indeed authentic. Amazing. LOL Thanks for posting this.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

No worries, Pam. I think this story finally convinced me that he is, in fact, real. I think I'll head downtown to the Cosi he frequents just to make sure. Will report back next week with the results of my investigation.

9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guys,

he IS real. PERIOD. all of us who go out a lot in philly know who he is..

him, and his friends.. are for real.. and they are completely and utterly ridiculous..

Another day.. another nutjob.. Philly has a good share of delusional nutbags.. the only difference between them and this guy is.. they don't have blogs..

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

brian:
you look like a total fag. kade would totally give you a hickey.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm sure you filter comments though. that makes you less worthy than kade.

10:18 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Aw, thanks Anonymous. That's very sweet of you to type.

10:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice post. I actually used to comment on his site until he started deleting them.

I found and linked to his townhouse listing, property tax stuff, and about 13 traffic tickets.

It was fun while it lasted.

His pictures give me indigestion.

11:00 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

See, that's just wrong. Arthur should embrace any last lick of attention he gets. I think I'll have a stroke, or take a steak knife to my throat, though, if he posts many more vids of him dancing.

11:06 PM  
Anonymous Up your poop with an ice cream scoop said...

I watched his dancing video as well Brian... I decided at that moment, my life was changed forever, and if ever faced with being subjected to that video again or having to fellate a hot curling iron... Time to unhinge my lower jaw.

I'm gonna see if I can get him to agree to a cage match with me. Theres a spectacle that would bring in some press.

3:39 AM  
Anonymous Rick V said...

omg, this is pure platinum. can't wait to read it.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Oh man, UYPWIICS, that would be a decadent affair. Get MoFaux to sing the Russian and American national anthems. What I would pay to see Kade get SiouxPlexed or forced to gnaw on the turnbuckle. I want to be ringside.
RAM JAM!

6:36 AM  
Blogger steveeboy said...

me and my girlie are obsessed with Kade.

She detours on her bike ride home to ride through Rittenhouse to look for him.

We even went to PARC last weekend and walked around looking for him--cuz you know he "always gets the best tables outside because the staff know what he and his crew can do for a restaurant, cafe,lounge, or club"

We think there will be a reality show about him soon...

9:21 AM  
Anonymous VegasGRRL said...

Brian,

How can someone outside of Philly find a way to read these articles? I'd like to read Artie's, but I see there's one about you as well, and I'd like to read that too. Are they available online and if so, what day? What website do I need to go to?
Thanks sweetie! Sorry for all the questions.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

VG,
Philadelphia Magazine's site is phillymag.com. I think the June issue will be posted on here tomorrow but I'll post the links to both stories on here the second I realize they're posted.
I insist, though, that Artie's story gets read before mine. Ciao!
Hickey

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Kade Gives Head said...

Brian - first let me say how happy I am to see you on here. To be honest, I hadn't heard anything about your condition in a while. I hope you are well, and I'm glad to see you're on your way to recovery. That's great...

And thanks for letting us know about the Kade article! I was starting to think the whole thing was a huge ruse, but I doubt he'd be in Philly Mag if he wasn't for real! Great... feed the beast! Just what we needed, right? Take care, buddy.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Richard Brian Penn said...

When will ChrisDude comment on this blog?

10:50 AM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

KGH: Kind words, they're much appreciated. I'm starting to think the reason I survived was because I had to exist in a World With Kade. I mean, just think about how the recovery days are just flying by now when I can watch Kade dancing, or his friend's band MoFaux really just butcher Whitesnake.
I, too, used to think he was fake, or at least over-exaggerated so he could get a role on Flavor of Love. This article -- and it's great, by the way; my wife hadn't checked Kade out and I heard her gasping when she read parts of it -- is the greatest thing to happen in Philadelphia journalism in forever.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

RBP: Well, I sensed a bit of ChrisDude in Anonymous pointing out that I looked gay and Kade would give me a Hickey. But maybe not. It did, however, make me change my profile picture to one with a carved head.
I'm shallow like Kade, I guess.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Merrick said...

Brian, are you sure your wife wasn't gasping at his "enormous shoulders" or something that might be amazing about him? Be careful, if she's a 9 or better the Kadester might just come in and sweep her off her feet!

Keep fighting the good fight and I"ll look forward to the article about you. . .after I read up on the Kademaster, of course.

11:08 AM  
Blogger AnastasiaBeaverhousen said...

Just read the article after watching AK practically cream his pants while debuting it: "page 42! 5 pages! only person in the magazine with a picture!!!"

I am a bit disappointed that it did not focus more on his fabrications and fantasies (Angelina Jolie checking him out, Aaron Speiser telling him he'll be a star, etc.)

As predicted, this just inflated his ego to a higher level, if that is even possible. We are making him into the celebrity he craves to be - and yet we can't help ourselves. I think the next Philly Mag article should be about US - the obsessed Kadeaholics.

Now I am not sure if I feel more sorry for him and his lack of self awareness or for myself and my inability to stay away......

11:13 AM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Merrick: I did think about that because, I have to admit, my shoulders are nowhere near as amazing and enormous as Kade's. She's a 10, better than that skank Angelina Jolie, but she assured me that Kade is just not her type. I'll be watching her like a shark now, though.
Anastasia: Did you see his post about the mag piece? He takes pride in it despite the fact that daddy-o was exposed as a lecher! Don't pity him. Loathe him. It's the right thing to do.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leave it to Philly Mag to sensationalize everything.

Kade exaggerates a bit, but a lot of the things he says/does are true. I've seen it: he and his friends DO get preferential treatment at the so-called hotspots in Philly. Why? Because his friends are attractive, wealthy, and throw money around. If I were those things, I, too, would get their treatment.

I've seen Kade out and he's hooked up with some hotties and some notties. He's no different than any other "player" in this city or another -- except he writes about it and millions of people read about it.

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll bet I can more covereage -- get instant TV coverage by chls. 3/6/10 and *gasp* FOX29 if I climb Billy Penn naked and declare myself King of Philly.

Any idiot can scream all they want to try to make themselves famous; it takes a different breed altogether to garner positive attention without really trying.

Nice read in Philly Mag; glad you're doing better.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

No question about it. Shit, they had the choppers out for Mariano. (And, much appreciated.)

5:00 PM  

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