Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

23 April 2009

Who's dumber than a brain-surgery patient, mid-surgery?

So, I woke up on Tuesday around 2 p.m. after the doctors at Cooper put pieces of my skull back in my head, in what should have been the last surgical procedure post-operation.
Among the first things I asked myself was this:
How long will it be until someone does something so patently stupid that you'll be able to bestow them with the Dumber Than You Were While Under Anesthesia D'Or Award?

The answer? Forty-three hours!
Because that was when I woke up from a slumber, checked out my amazing head wound, walked downstairs, picked up the Inquirer Local News section and, to my utter astonishment, read:
Fumo seeks an order for a new trial
His lawyers said that the evidence against him was insufficient, and that the judge had erred.

Wow, he even looks worse than a guy with a head cut open less than two days ago.

Ah, yes, the insufficient evidence that leads to a shutout verdict. I can't wait until, once this noble attempt at freedom is shot down, when Vinnie tries the, "Wah, can I get a medical exemption from going to prison, wah, since I got a little lightheaded in the courtroom, wah, during my, wah, trial? I swear I won't even set foot out of my, wah, mansion; I'll just play Dollie with my high-end hairspray and cleaning products. Maybe I'll even dress up in my Tootsie costume, Your Honor."
What a greed-laden, unrepentant, self-important swine. Maybe you should have thought about how a decade in the waterboarding cell would have felt before you started stealing from the poor to give to your rich self.
Good riddance, Vinnie.

P.S. I noticed that you re-upped your MENSA membership for life in the March issue of MENSA Bulletin. Well, I'm not sure if they send the publication to federal prison, but fear not, Vinnie: I'll hold down the brain fort!


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