Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

30 April 2009


The requests have rendered it necessary to continue to keep Kade Watch alive.
I care not, since this dude -- if real, and that's a huge if -- is such a scrote that public shaming is necessary.
In fact, I've been tempted to go down to his Cosi and just watch as the Duke of Pockmarked Faces arrives, just to watch the staff's reaction when Kade arrives toting manpurse and camera.
So, imagine my shock when I actually agreed with the first line of his latest post, titled, "Enhancements." It goes:
In this age of medical technology, a girl needs to do everything possible to make sure her body and face look amazing at all times.

I mean, he's kinda got a point there, right? We're all shallow like that -- when it comes to TV. Well, Kade being Kade, he shot that support in the foot with the crazy shit he wrote next.
I see too many girls who are 7’s and 8’s that could be so much hotter with larger breasts or lips, liposuction in the hips or stomach, or other work done to their body, and are not willing to take the steps necessary to enhance their appearance. I am not sure why certain girls are resistant to upgrading their features with medical help, because when you are in a metropolitan city that is a “meat market”, then you need to do whatever you can to land someone like me who only wants the best. I once dated a girl who was a 9, but with fake boobs would have been a 10, and when I told her to get them she would say “I like my body, if you don’t, then too bad”. I thought it may be a money issue, so I offered to buy them figuring we may date long term, but she refused the offer (I would never make that offer today, that was the “Old Arthur”). I lost attraction for her because during sex I would want more to play with, and eventually I just got tired of settling and broke up with her.

Suffice it to say:
a) Kade isn't even a third of the 7 or 8 ranking,
b) He probably takes what he can get despite his posturing. And, by taking what he can get, I mean man, woman or shemale gimp, but
c) "I will be filming on 'Ugly Betty' this Friday, and I believe that it is the show’s final episode/season finale. I am excited to be part of this since the show was groundbreaking, and they have requested very attractive people to shoot from Friday afternoon through the night into the morning. Night shoots can be difficult, but I want to make sure that I can be potentially seen by millions of people that will be watching and may notice me."

Yeah, and there are 86 comments. The highlights:

# Anal Gasmon 29 Apr 2009 at 10:13 pm
Arthur you’ve changed! Ever since you became a star you don’t call me anymore. I miss our moonlight walks together, the way you would hold my hand gently while giving me a reach-around, the feel of your sweat on my back.
Why won’t you call me anymore? What happened to us?

# Natashaon 29 Apr 2009 at 10:22 pm
Maybe you should do something about that duchebag nose before you go around saying all women should work out 6 days a week, tan and get plastic surgery. Like honestly, you look old. Way too old to be getting into acting, modeling, whatever the hell you think you’re doing. I hope your already average looks fade fast. And dude, since when does taking care of yourself include tanning? Hello wrinkles. I hope you get cancer.

# Chrison 29 Apr 2009 at 10:26 pm
Please, someone in Philly, hurt this guy. You know where he is and hangs out. Hurt him, Beat him close to death. Please. Dear God, PLEASE

# Sucioon 29 Apr 2009 at 10:33 pm
HIV won’t help you age gracefully either, Artie. I’d like to stab you with a dirty, discarded needle from a hooker on Kensington Ave, that’s real enhancement.

# Arthur's Chodeon 30 Apr 2009 at 1:31 am
Will you just spare me and cut me off with a chainsaw?! I don’t want to be part of you anymore as I believe you can get an enhancement and replace me with a bigger nose than the one that is already on your shovel-faced mug.
Happily and waiting for your reply/action,
Art’s Chode

# Rhinestone Choirboyon 30 Apr 2009 at 3:41 am
This is either a hoax or a man on dire need of psychiatric treatment. Nice work with the “speech marks” again, you “fucking knob cheese”

# I want to be like you!on 30 Apr 2009 at 4:29 am
Kade is clearly the source of swine flu…..its too late to do anything about it now, we will just have to wait for the Kade vaccination.

And, finally:
# The Ryanatoron 30 Apr 2009 at 11:06 am
Hey Bud!
In this life, it’s important to know what you want.
Plus, it’s completely within the realm of possibility that science will have figured out how to stop the ageing process before too much longer.
Arthur, this means that you may never have to lose the chiseled, athletic, hyper-masculine, borderline godlike, delerium-inducing, swoon-tastic face and body that will have cemented you as one of Hollywood’s Elite. You can be the new immortal Valentino, and finally find a chick who won’t get old and gross to be your love interest; perfection for all eternity.
So exciting!
Keep shining!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The whole Kade thing is driving me batshit. Is he for serious or is it a hoax?

5:25 PM  
Blogger Brian Hickey said...

Man, I don't know. The reporter in me smells a hoax, but then the videos are so f'in douchey that I don't know if an Oscar-winner could even pull it off.
It's driving me crazy, too. Because if he's fake, I've wasted A LOT of hate.

6:16 PM  

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