Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

17 March 2009

[Updated] Fumo gets shutout, other moments of hilarity, and a horrible horror story

So, the feds beat Fumo 137-0 and then took $2 million in other people's bail money. Yes, all in all this week has started off well. While I need to settle in and write another column this morning, I penned (ok, typed) one for today's Metro about the public flogging of Vinnie Fumo. Can't find it online, however, so I'll cut-and-paste an excerpt from the copy I have:
The reason the verdict is better for this city than the Phillies parade is the moral code it honors: No matter how much power you think you have, or ex-girlfriends and enemies that your bankroll lets you sic PI’s on, if you filch from Philadelphians and shamelessly boast that you spend “other people’s money” without regard for anybody not named Vinnie Fumo, you’ll get publicly shamed and deservedly sent to the clink.

(Found it online. It's here. Don't mind my hair, though. It's grown back considerably more.)
I go on to make the case that a mobster, hotdog vendor and two city officials who came on down and helped themselves to prizes are better people than Vinnie. It was an easy case to make.
Oh, that picture up top? Most definitely not Fumo (though he may be considering Redrum today). It's Danny McBride, from this month's Vanity Fair which features a set of photos of comedic folk. They're stellar shots (McBride in The Shining was made by Mark Seliger). Like this one of Rogen, a monkey, a Delaware Ave. stash and butterfly hair clips (by Norman Jean Ray):

Yeah, it's boss.
In other news:
-- Money Magazine predicts that Philly's housing-price rock bottom (-10.9 percent for an average of $174K) won't come till the third quarter of 2010,
-- Ben Affleck gives Patrick Murphy a shout-out in Esquire as one of the "congressmen who [are] real stars," and
-- Esquire also breaks down the "Worst Story I Ever Heard" by Rich Schapiro. I'll let the long excerpts do the talking...
As St. James confronted the chimp, the six-two former running back turned to find a second chimp — also a male, this one older and bigger — bearing down on him as well. With both hands, he pushed the bigger animal. Both chimps pounced. One of the animals grabbed him in a bear hug before chomping into the bone above his right eyebrow. He then stuck his finger in St. James's right eye, gouging it out. The same animal clamped his teeth onto St. James's nose, biting it off, as the other chimp chewed away at St. James's fingers. In the melee, one of the chimps dug in his claws and ripped the skin off the right side of St. James's face, causing it to flop over and cover his left eye, temporarily blinding him. One of the primates sunk his teeth into St. James's skull. He then closed his jaws on St. James's mouth, ripping off his lips and most of his teeth. St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal's throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn't get it out.
St. James fell to the ground, no longer able to defend himself, and for at least five minutes, the mauling continued as he lay helpless. One of the chimps gnawed on his buttocks and bit off his genitals. They ravaged his left foot, leaving it shredded. Blood poured from his body, and LaDonna was screaming. It looked as if they were eating him alive.

Um, all that stuff about getting nearly killed by a hit-and-run driver? Yeah, well, St. James had it much, much worse. I'll be praying for him.


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