"A Very Normal DD"
So, we were driving back from the bride's family's house after a great dinner last night and, lo and behold, as we're cruising along Route 1, we see a line already forming outside a Circuit City. This was about 7 p.m. This was also very sad. I felt bad for them, one and all, convinced that tis the season to show your love and appreciation for others through purchased products. And that many people value a night of their lives at less than the 100-200 buck savings they get by staying out overnight. Oh well. Go capitalism.
But that's not what has me the saddest today; the fact that The Insider's latest reality-show series has come to an end. I'll let the show that hasn't been the same since P.O.B. got jammed into rehab, leaving Lara Spencer to take over and, quite frankly, ruin all the good that P.O.B. represented. Except in this case, because the story of the Triple-MMM Housewife, well, that's something we can all rally behind.
Ever since you got here, there's been a woman on the TV with her breastuses hanging out and you didn't even notice. You've just been clockin' me.
Here's what The Insider had to say during the "dramatic finale":
"She has to sacrifice her implants to save her unborn child."
Said Sheyla Hershey: "I'm going to miss my breasts. It's going to disappoint all my fans. I just like them [the breasts] so much!"
"She's not very happy, but she has to do what's best for the baby. She went from small Bs to triple Fs and finally, 38 triple Ms."
Said Sheyla Hershey: "They [the fans] all follow me around. They want to see. They want to touch."
(As they show her getting her hair dyed black): "She decided to change her hair to match her new [breast-reduced] look. They removed more than a gallon of liquid. She's now a very-normal DD. One procedure takes her from celebrity to obscurity."
Ah yes, the obscurity of DDs. If you have it in your heart, send some holiday glad-tidings Sheyla's way. She deserves it, for everything she's done for our nation.
But, on a serious note, was nice to see old friend Adam Bruckner get some Inquirer respec' on Wednesday; after all, the guy's totally given his life to making life a little better for Philly's homeless.
Want to track his progress? Compare this excerpt from a piece I wrote about him in April '06:
Turns out the city, for all the pomp and circumstance of Mayor Street's 10-year plan to end homelessness, doesn't realize that without $10, they can't get a PennDOT non-driver's ID. And without ID, they can't get a job. And without a job, they can't get off the streets.
But Bruckner does. He's set up shop as a one-man charity. Opens his savings account wide, $10 at a time. (On a meager salary, he says he's "literally spent tens of thousands of dollars on plastic and paper ID.") He listens to people, hears what they need and reacts; this, even though some degenerates put their Verizon bills and DIRECTV accounts on his tab. (No time to check everybody out, even after that.)
Today, he hits check number 5612 around 4 p.m.
To this one from the Inky piece:
Adam began handing out personal checks, too - but with a stipulation. Made out to state agencies, they could be used only to pay for identification papers.
Turns out, Adam had listened to the Parkway men. Many had told him they had nothing in their pockets to prove who they were.
Adam's checks range from $10 (the price of a new birth certificate) to $66 (a replacement commercial driver's license), and he writes dozens of them every Monday. The total this year will be about $40,000. ...
On a cold, gray Monday this month, Warren stopped by the Free Library to say hello to Adam. More than a hundred people formed an orderly line that spiraled around volunteers serving dinner.
In another line, about 100 waited for the attention of Adam, who was writing out check No. 19,241.