Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

07 July 2008

Tha Return

Well, sorry about the false blog-alarm last week. Had a nasty head cold upon getting back from Sonoma and relegated myself to couch duty. Luckily, that tour included a full viewing of yesterday's epic Wimbledon final which, if you missed, for shame. It'll be reaired tonight at 7 on ESPN Classic. Because Nadal's five setter over Federer was indeed a classic. I shan't ruin the details in case you want to watch it clean, but suffice it to say, the back-and-forth action set a high bar for the U.S. Open and, sadly, made Andy Roddick more of an afterthought than ever.

Photo taken in a SF bathroom. Still not sure what kind of weed comes from a goat, but I'd be interested in finding out if anybody has taken the aforementioned product.

So anyway, I have to head down to the hell on earth aka the DMV to get a new license today. Will report back with Reaper-esque impressions of the fine Columbus Blvd. establishment. But in the meantime, here are a few stories that caught my eye over the week/weekend.

What's the significance of the number 33,000? Oh, that's just the number of exterminators that are being sent to Beijing in advance of the 08.08.08 Opening Ceremonies in order to, and I quote, "battle a locust infestation ... in the hopes of heading off a migration to Beijing during the Olympics." Ok, let's do a little checklist here: Natural disaster? Earthquake; check. Ominous signs from the sea? Yeah, the algae onslaught that has rendered water events questionable; check. My only question now is whether NBC will show the arrival of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse live, or wait until prime time in the states.

(Don't) let the swiftboating of Barack Obama begin.

Item: Why are West Philly's trustfund babies upset these days? Oh, because one of their buildings has been renamed after a NY Post Page Six editor, that's why. There's a witty line in there somewhere, but I'm just too tired to look this morning. All my mental energy has gone to brace myself for the DMV.

From the Injustice Files ...
Man using Taser in video is jailed
WAUKESHA, Wis. - A Wisconsin man who posted a video online showing him and his father shocking each other with a stolen stun gun has been sent to prison.
Paul Crowell pleaded guilty to possession of an electric weapon and was sentenced June 20 to two years. Documents say he stole a Taser from a police officer. He got it while sitting in a patrol car after his vehicle was found in a ditch.
The 22-year-old allegedly showed the online video to a girl, and she reported it to police. Crowell's father, Paul Dupey, also pleaded guilty to possession of an electric weapon. He is scheduled to be sentenced in August.
- AP

From the Injustice Files, Roxborough edition ...
A new meeting schedule and the imminent summer hiatus spelled a busy agenda for the June 19 meeting of the Ridge Park Civic Association as approximately 70 people crowded into the Fifth District Police Headquarters ... Most of those in attendance were present for one of three reasons: the proposed expansion of Shop Rite onto the former location of Epiphany Lutheran Church, concerns over underage drinking at a residence on Lodge Rd., and drug activity in the vicinity of Ridge and Paoli Aves. Although it was certain that the Shop Rite issue would dominate the agenda the meeting followed its usual order of addressing police-related concerns first.
District Commander, Capt. John Cerrone, accompanied by Community Relations Officer Charles Kline, told the membership that he had spoken personally to Lodge Rd. residents about drinking parties held by underage girls in the absence or apparent apathy of their father.

Methinks somebody's about to get a Dad of the Year mug!

And finally, fresh off the presses from my SF visit, an excerpt from The Onion's brilliant Gay Pride Issue, headlined, "Homosexuals: We Let Them Know How Gay Proud Of Them We Are." In this installment, columnist Bruce Heffernan tackles the age-old question, "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My C*ck?"
What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?
Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?


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