Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at www.twitter.com/brianhickey Flickr at http://www.flickr.com/people/brianhickey/. Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court: divorcecourting.blogspot.com.

30 September 2006

Selection Saturday




Indianapolis -9 At NY Jets Under 46.5

San Diego -2.5 At Baltimore Over 33.5

At Buffalo -1 Minnesota Over 35

Dallas -9.5 At Tennessee Over 37

At Kansas City -7 San Francisco Over 40.5

At Carolina -7 New Orleans Under 42

At Atlanta -7.5 Arizona Over 40.5

Miami -3.5 At Houston Under 40.5

At St. Louis -6 Detroit Over 43.5

At Cincinnati -6 New England Under 46

Jacksonville -3 At Washington Over 34.5

Cleveland -3 At Oakland Over 33.5

At Chicago -3.5 Seattle Over 35


As for the picks of the week, I'm really tempted to be all about New England, considering Cincy's coming off a big win over the Stealers and Chad Johnson started the smack talk that always seems to end with the Freddie Mitchels of the world humiliated. But instead, I'm going to take a chance and go with Cleveland giving three at Oakland. A risky pick to say the least, but when the gut talks, you ought to listen. As for the over under, I smell a St. Louis/Detroit shootout. Even though 43.5 is a high number, I think they go over by the end of the third.

29 September 2006

Football Friday

I haven't had a chance to dig through the lines yet, so the picks won't be up until tonight at the earliest. Lo siento.

Go Birds.

28 September 2006


Yes, I actually wrote this, and allowed the photo to be published. (Unfortunately, the concept doesn't work all that well online so if you can grab a copy of today's 25th anniversary paper, by all means do.

Go Birds.

27 September 2006

T.O.

Well, in this place up till a minute ago, was a post mocking T.O. and his allergies. Had to take it down, though, considering dude might have tried to kill himself and all. No mocking here; if it's true, it's tragic. But if you've read my articles about him last year, you can probably discern what I think his motive might have been.
Here's hoping he doesn't die.
The Dallas Morning News' Web site has a link to a pdf of the police report.

Go Birds.

UPDATE: If, in fact, the Owens' camp is falsely claiming that nothing happened when it actually did, well, the sympathy's gone altogether and I'll be lining up with the rest of the degenerates to taunt him outside the hotel when he comes to town.

UPDATE PART II: Good God am I happy he's no longer in this town. Load up on the pill bottles. 10/8, 10/8, 10/8.

26 September 2006

This week's column...


... thanks to it being our paper's special 25th anniversary issue, the column's already written. And, it's about:

N'Awlins

drove the season records to:

Spread: 6-7-1 (season, 18-24-1)
O/U: 5-9 (season, 22-20-1)
For a whopping 40-44-2

25 September 2006

The pick

N'awlins +4 and over 44. Bank.

Move over, Webster...

... mini-Nish is gonna outshine everything your short little self accomplished.

Dear Philadelphia Health Department


I know today's the beginning of Philly's smoke ban and all.
And I think it's great that you hired two extra people to patrol the city for defiant puffers.
After all, it's not like we're the fourth biggest city in the country with a bar on every corner or anything. (Love the foresight, Mayor Street.)
Since I figure you'll be awfully taxed trying to spread the word on such short notice, what with you being a dirtbag who likes to sneak things through when you think nobody's looking, allow me to give you a tip: I'll be smoking where I want, when I want, today. Feel free to send your guys for me ... I work in Old City and wear a Cubs hat.

Much Love,
Hickey

The Damage


Go Birds.
Go Broncs.
Go Irish.
Go Phils.
And, what the hell, go Scarlet Knights. Do it for Jersey!

Not a bad week, unless you're talking about my putrid picks for the second out of three weeks (but like I've always said, each game's a coin flip until the end of Week 4.
Though I nailed both best bets, driving the record to 3-0 on the spread and 2-1 on the over under, the 10-15-1 performance overall makes it impossible to hypothetically break even tonight. Which is good. Because, at 6:53 a.m., I still have no friggin idea which way that MNF game's gonna go.
Part of me says the lock of all locks; how can N'Awlins lose on their return home to a town where the people need them to win. But the other part of me says that Superdome's gonna be haunted. I'll flip a coin at lunch and get back to you.

Week Three:
Spread: 5-7-1 (season, 17-24-1)
O/U: 5-8 (season, 22-19-1)

22 September 2006

The picks

At Buffalo -5.5 NY Jets OVER 34.5
At Pittsburgh -2 Cincinnati UNDER 42
At Indianapolis -7 Jacksonville OVER 43
At Miami -11 Tennessee UNDER 35.5
Washington -4 At Houston UNDER 37.5
Chicago -3.5 At Minnesota OVER 35
Carolina -3 At Tampa Bay UNDER 34
At Detroit -6.5 Green Bay OVER 39
Baltimore -6.5 At Cleveland UNDER 33
At Arizona -4.5 St. Louis OVER 44.5
At Seattle -3.5 NY Giants OVER 43
Philadelphia -6 At San Francisco UNDER 42.5
At New England -6.5 Denver OVER 39.5

As for the locks of the week, well, I'm thinking Monday night's game is either the easiest game to pick in the history of sports, or the biggest trap ever. But, we'll get to that on Monday. For the time being, the Eagles are the easiest pick on the board as they'll take out quite a bit of their 17-point-choke frustrations on the hapless Niners. With the over/under, I figure Cleveland will put up about 3 points on Baltimore's syphillis-ridden defense, so the under looks just grand.

Football Friday


The picks'll arrive sometime after lunch. Lo siento.

21 September 2006

The End of YouTube?

Or, the first chapter in a book I like to call, "Und for their next act, they vill chase America's youths off the internets altogether."

Cliche alert!!!!!
"If just one teen sees this and decides illegal drug use is not the path for them, it will be a success," said Rafael Lemaitre, a spokesman for the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy.

(Don't fall for it, kiddies! The White House wants to feast upon your very souls.)

The Great Race Bait of '06...


... also known as this week's column (and photo-caption contest).

20 September 2006

This week's column will be about ...

Updated stats

Thank you Jacksonville, oh so very much. Not only did you expose the Stealers for the frauds that they are, but by winning, and keeping the game under, the Jags pushed my season-to-date amusement picks record over .500.

Lines: 12-17
Spread 17-11-1

Total: 29-28-1

Nothing to brag about, I know. But it's a start.

I'm back, bitches


After five days of loving the unadulterated peace that can only come when one isn't toting a cell phone around, I had to cave in yesterday and replace the one that's somewhere in Manhattan right now. (God only knows what those freaks are doing with the pictures of Charlie Dawg.)
I tell you this for but one reason: I lost all the numbers on the phone so, if I once had your number, if could take a moment and resend it, it'd be greatly appreciated .... brianhickey9@hotmail.com.
Keep hope alive.

18 September 2006

Baby Steps

The Eagles blow. I hate them. I loathe them.
But anyway, didn't fare as poorly with the picks this week as I did last.

On the lines, I was 6-9 (now a putrid 11-17 for the year) and on the points, pulled a 10-4-1 (16-11-1).
Dropped the O/U best bet, making me 2-0 on picks, and 1-1 on spread best bets.

So, a double win tonight will take it over .500 for the season. And, it looks like everybody and their mammy's jumping on Pittsburgh, taking the line from 1.5 to 3 since Friday. The o/u number moved a little bit too, from 36.5 to 37.
Well, I like it at under 36.5, so I'll stick with the under 37. And, since I liked the Jags getting 1.5, how can't I like them getting the three?

16 September 2006

Week Two Picks


(Best Amusement-Purposes-Only Bets in Bold)

Baltimore -11.5 vs. Oakland; under 34.5

Indy -13.5 vs. Houston; over 47

Cincinnati -10.5 vs. Cleveland; over 42.5

Miami -6/5 vs. Buffalo; under 37

Detroit +9 at Chicago; over 32.5

Carolina -1 at Minn; over 37

Eagles -3 vs. NY Giants; under 42

Tampa +5.5 at Atlanta; under 36.5

N'Awlins -2.5 at GB; over 37.5

St. Louis -3 at San Fran; under 44

Seattle -9 vs. Arizona; over 47

Jets -6 vs. New England; over 37

Tennessee -11.5 at San Diego; over 38

Kansas City -10.5 at Denver; over 40

Washington -6 at Dallas; under 37

I'll post the Monday pick after the games.

15 September 2006

My negligence

Sorry I've missed the past few days. Been running around all over the place, from NYC (for fun) to Haddon Township (for work). I'll be posting the football picks this afternoon, but for the time being, here's yesterday's column.

12 September 2006

Kindred Spirits

With last night's poor performance (both games wrong on the spread; split on the over/unders), I started my selection season on par with how Plummer and the Broncos started their regular season. Hu-rah.
Week One:
Line- 5-9
O/U- 7-7
Total 12-16

11 September 2006

Such sweet mediocrity


Move along; nothing to brag about here folks. Sure, both of my projected locks came through - Tampa/Baltimore under 34 (27) and New Orleans getting three (they won 19-14) - and I was a mere point off picking the Eagles score dead on.
But, even missing a couple games on the chart, my overall records blew.

Picking games: 5-7
Picking o/u: 6-6
Hickey locks: 2-0
Before MNF: 11-13

And were these selections not for amusement purposes only, I'd be the poster boy for why Monday Night football exists; just close enough to breaking even to try to make up for all of Sunday's damage today.
So anyway, got a double MNF slate tonight. Which is cool. And, I'm a'likin the home teams: Washington giving visiting Minnesota 4.5 (an odd number, yes, but Minnesota smells like one of those 0-6 out-of-the-gate types) and Oakland getting a field goal at home (how you gonna go and tell me Phillip Rivers is any good when Phillip Rivers has barely played?).

With the early game, I figure the Vikes won't put many points up and since Washington is no juggernaut, it'll stay under 35.5.

Just the opposite'll hold true in the late game; SD and Oakland will both put some points up, pushing the game over 43.



08 September 2006

Hickey the Greek


(Or, football fun for people who still have enough self-respect not to spend hours wondering whether to start Peerless Price or Ashley Lelie this week.)

UPDATED WITH REST OF SUNDAY SCHEDUL
E

Blah, blah, blah. I can live with an opening night split, especially knowing in my heart of hearts that if Culpepper doesn't throw that late interception, Miami would've taken the game. (And that, as LBR pointed out the other day, Pittsburgh would probably outpoint Baltimore in the syphilis competition if the Women of Steel City didn't so resemble the Men of Earth that STDs are nonexistent). But such is NFL football.
So anyway, here are Sunday picks:

Never thought I'd hear myself say this but I like the Rams getting 3.5 at home over the mighty, Super Bowl bound Denver Broncos. And, over 46.

For some inexplicable reason, I also really dig the Jets (+3) over Tennessee, but this won't be a high scoring Scrub Bowl, so under 36 is the way to go.

KINDA PICK OF THE WEEK ALERT: This isn't my favorite of all, but the Birds sure seem like free money this week, don't they? Christ, Houston doesn't even have a running back. And if David Carr thinks the last few seasons were painful, wait till he gets a load of the Eagles new D. They'll cover the 4.5 by the end of the first quarter and never look back. Still, it'll be under 37. A 24-9 type game.

Everything in my mind keeps saying, "Carolina and the over. Carolina and the over." But rivalry games are never, ever gimmes, especially in an unpredicable week one. So, Carolina (with an aching Steve Smith and a never-can-tell Jake Delhomme) and the over becomes a trap. As much as I think Michael Vick is Ran-dall reincarnate, Atlanta might not win the game, but they'll come within five in a low-scoring 14-10 type event (read: under).

Dallas getting 2.5 at Jacksonville? Take it. Take it. Take it. And 36.5 is too low.

I'm having a lot of trouble buying into this rejuvenated Arizona Cardinals thang, but San Francisco is bad. Like, knife-fighting in a subway wearing a black pleather jacket Bad. But seven and a half is a lot of points in the NFL. And seven and a half is a lot MORE points when the most inept franchise in the sport is laying them. Don't let it stop you. Arizona steamrolls the Niners, so much so that I like the under 42 points because a) San Fran will barely score and b) Kurt Warner doesn't have six TDs left in his God-fearing arm. 34-3 final.

I want to take Chicago so friggin bad here, so much so that I'll probably rue the day I typed this, but here goes nothing: It's probably Favre's last opener and, as much as he's washed up and over-rated, I gots me a feelin' he'll keep the Pack within 3.5 and that, to do so, the game'll go over 35.

You'd have to figure New England wants to send a message - we're back, bitches - to the league. But nine's a lot of points to give up in a rivalry game, no? Well, in this case, no is right, barely. This is a 10-point game, with the Pat's ending up on the right side of things. Now, will they get to 41 points. I don't think so; under.

I'm not sold on Chris Simms having a breakthrough season yet. And I'm not sold on Ray Lewis being overrated and washed up. Dude's still bad-ass. LOCK ALERT!!!! Though I'm torn on Tampa giving three at home (Go with them), I can't see anyway in hell this game goes over 24, let alone 34. And just like that, the over/under lock of the week is exposed.

But that leaves us with a spread pick of the week. And believe me, in the first week, there's no such thing as an easy one, but Reggie Bush and New Orleans aren't even going to need the three points that Cleveland, effin Cleveland is laying. (Game'll go over 36, too).

And finally, little bro's gonna take care of Horsehead Manning in New York, at least covering the 3.5 and helping the game go over 48.

Godspeed, degenerates.

07 September 2006

Yes, I am ready for some football

Well, the season starts tonight so I gotta get that first pick out there. Truth be told, I'm torn on this one (Miami at Pittsburgh, a pick-em and over/under 34.5). Everything keeps telling me Miami and the under, and the more I think about it, Miami IS the way to go on this one. Pittsburgh's beat up, fat-and-happy and confused. I'm not going to go down the whole defending-champ-returns-to-earth path just yet (though I do expect that to ultimately happen). BUT, Miami's coming in with a lot to prove, and I figure they'll prove it and put up some points in the process while the D clamps down on the Steelers.

The Pick: Miami over Pittsburgh, 21-17. Which means, yes, I'm going to go with the over.

The Lone Survivor


From the minute the news reports said there was one survivor in that Kentucky plane crash, it was pretty safe to assume that we'd ultimately get our Bruce Willis in Unbreakable moment. Well, it arrived today.
Gotta be a hell of a feeling to be this dude today.

This week's column..

.. is about Danielle Kousoulis, written by her younger brother, both of whom went to Haddon Township High.

Guess he's ready for some football...


...and I'm happy I'm not a traffic cop in Detroit:

Lions asst. arrested for driving nude

DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) -- A Detroit Lions assistant coach was arrested twice in the past two weeks -- once while police say he was driving nude and a week later on suspicion of drunken driving.
Police in the Detroit suburb of Dearborn said Joe Cullen, who coaches the team's defensive line, was pulled over Aug. 24 and ticketed on suspicion of indecent and obscene conduct.
The ticket does not provide any other information about why Cullen allegedly was nude. The Lions said alcohol was involved.

06 September 2006

And on a serious note ...

Tomorrow's column will be a guest-written piece about, well, you can figure it out by taking a look at today's date and mulling what noteworthy day will occur between now and the next issue.

Soliciting suggestions


So, I'm making my Yankee Stadium debut next week and, considering I'll be sitting right behind the dugout, was wondering whether anybody had any tips on what sort of taunts need to be thrown toward anybody wearing pinstripes. Anyone not named Sal Fasano, of course, since he's the finest player in baseball history.
The best slight may make its way onto a sign that Sulz and Pete will make me throw away before entering the stadium!

Mmm, people gizzards


Seems as if a 31-year-old cook in Maine decided to do a little dismemberin' over the holiday weekend. Totally rad, right? Not so for the State Police chief who, according to CNN, "would not say how the victims had been dismembered." Not to belittle three deaths or nothing, but my guess would be "limb by limb." (Ba dum bum.)

All things considered, I'm feeling a little orange today


"I can guarantee you, if someone made a phone call and said, 'Hey, bin Laden is sitting at the Ben Franklin Bridge,' we would respond to that and check it out."

- Jody Weis, special agent in charge of the Philadelphia FBI agent, in today's Daily News, giving new definition to the word "reassuring." (Now I can see why the FBI didn't invite we City Paper folk to their press conference.)

05 September 2006

Gambling Alert!!!


Coming this Friday for amusement purposes only, the first installment of the Games Hickey Says You Should Bet.
I'll pick every NFL game of the week (yes, I have a right to; I picked about 60 percent last year) along with a couple best bets for all you degenerates who aren't satisfied with just one.
Remember, good people, if you want to be rollin' in cash money like Bishop Don "the Magic" Juan, you gotta wager to win.

And LBR dresses his mammy


"I replied to Zidane that I would prefer his sister, that is true. I brought up his sister and that wasn't a nice thing, that is true," said Materazzi. "Thankfully there are tens of footballers who could confirm that much worse things are said on the field."

Mad Ass Baby Mama


Fadia Ward is slowly becoming the poster woman for sticking it to deadbeat dads. You may remember Ward from the June 22 Philly Blunt as a West Philly woman trying to draw some attention to her Web site, sorryassbabydaddies.com.

Well, when I went to spend some time with her and her daughter outside Family Court, I thought she had a novel idea, one that might generate a follow-up story or two (like one in the Daily News a month later). But I had no idea that her site would bump from 1,200 hits to nearly 80,000, or that papers and TV stations from all over the place would do stories of their own. Well, says Fadia, that's exactly what's been happening this summer:

I have been on so many different media outlets it's not even funny, this web site is no longer being looked at as a joke more and more people are taking me seriously then ever before.
I have been asked to do a T.V reality show for single moms I'm putting together a huge summit for 12/2007 I have a staff now.
I was out of my mind when london and England BBC radio was calling like crazy, I have even redesigned the look of the web site so check it out when you can.

02 September 2006

When they're together, they're not alone


This just in from Jackson, who probably still doesn't think wearing a helmet's a good idea when you're riding a cycle, lost in sad memories of how you played in the Super Bowl.



Subject: show your Steelers pride... on TV

Hey folks,

Yes, a fresh season of Steeler football will soon be upon us... but not just any season. Oh no... for this is a season that sees us take the field as defending World Champions.
Surely, this requires us to assemble in large groups and make much, much noise.
That's where you come in. We're putting out the call to ALL NEW YORK CITY AREA STEELER FANS to assemble the morning of THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 at Rockefeller Center at the set of the Today Show. As you know, the Steelers kick off the NFL season that night against the Miami Dolphins. As you also may know, the game marks the return of NFL football to NBC. They're very excited about this development, and would be more than happy if we showed up at the Today Show and made some noise about it. It also turns out that the good folks at Today are planning a lot of Steelers related programming that day (a piece that follows the Bus back to the 'Burgh, a visit to the Steelers' annual women's camp, etc.) and would love to see as many of us as we can muster. The more black and gold packing the plaza, the better.
Bring your Terrible Towels, bring your signs, and bring your voice... the cameras will be there.

Here are the details:

WHERE: Rockefeller Center (in front of the GE Building, where the Christmas tree stands every year).

WHEN: Thursday, September 7 at 6:30 a.m. (show begins at 7, and will carry live coverage of us through 10 a.m.).

WHO: You, and any Steeler fans you might know.

WHY: Because we're the world champs, you jagoff.

Hope to see you there.

In Franco we trust,

Mean Rob

What about scrapple and english muffins?


This is a mysterious case that someone could be so healthy from a pathology point of view and that there is no obvious cause of death.”
(If you fear the old, be sure not to check out the site that picture came from. Johnson's on the right, in the white coat.)

free html visitor counters
hit counter