Philly Blunt

Freelance writer. Editor and web-video producer. Former Atlantic City Press and Philadelphia Weekly staff writer, City Paper managing editor/columnist and Dougherty for Senate campaign manager. Comments welcome here or emailed to brianhickey9 [at] hotmail. Now on: Facebook (Brian Hickey, in Philly) Twitter at Flickr at Be sure to check out Hickey on Divorce Court:

17 December 2006

T.O.: Homo or Hypo?

As in homosexual or hypocrite.
To the former, I steadfastly maintain that sexual confusion is the root of all his problems. And the latter, well, it's become painfully clear that Mr. Louganis-in-Pads is also a hypocrite, what with the news that he spit on an opponent last night.
First, here's an excerpt from one of his 6,249 "autobiographies" ...

One afternoon while I was in high school, I was riding home on a school bus after a track event. I made the mistake of falling asleep on the bus. It was just my luck that the biggest and meanest kid in school was on that bus, too. I was physically exhausted and passed out in a deep sleep. I was breathing through my mouth and it was open as I slept. The jerk came over and hocked up a big wad from his throat and nasal passages. He dropped that huge, disgusting gob of spit right into my mouth.I slept right through the whole thing while everybody laughed at me. I didn't find out about it until later. Can you imagine the shame, the humiliation I felt when I went home and told my family? For what seemed like an eternity, I was teased and tormented unmercifully by the kids at school. I had been a loner before that happened, and became even more isolated after.
Everyone laughed at me. I tried to block out the image of his spit entering my mouth, but I felt nauseated every time I thought about it. Knowing that he disgraced me and got the best of me was more than I could handle. From that day on, I was done being a pushover. Yesterday's loser was determined to become tomorrow's winner.

And now, his quote responding to allegations that he spat on the Falcons' DeAngelo Hall during Saturday night's win:

"I got frustrated and I apologize for that," Owens told the NFL Network. "It was a situation where he kept bugging me and getting in my face. He just kept getting in my face."

I know this is a bold statement, but this is as low as Owens has gotten. And if the league had any balls, they'd make him pay. But please, please, please Mr. New Commissioner, don't sit him out for Christmas vs. the Eagles. Screw my two front teeth (not literally, Terrell); all I want from Santa is to see Owens lose to the Eagles. Again. Just like he always has, and always will.


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